Friday, June 24, 2011

An Update to "How Can It Be June?"

Way back on June 1 I wrote a post about how the first day of June signified how close we were to Baby #2's arrival and how anxious that made me feel.  People, I was more than just a little anxious...I was down right having panic attacks and crying at the simplest thing.  Not good. 

Thankfully, between your encouragement, a sisterly heart to heart, my husband's patience, and my organizational skills, I am in a MUCH better place today.  Don't worry it didn't take me 24 days to get here, just took 24 days to sit down and write a post about it. 

I want you all to know that your encouragement did mean a lot to me.  Every time someone comments on one of my posts, sends me a private message, or comments on my Facebook page I feel more grounded.  These simple acts have made me feel less alone on this journey.  Thank you.

As you can imagine, having a sister that is 6 years older than you has its positives and negatives.  My sister has always been there to tell me how she feels about my various life decisions and in general she usually is right...which is highly annoying.  Over the years she has gotten better at the delivery of her insight (and advice) and I have gotten better at receiving it. 

When she called me after reading the post on June 1st she was careful with her words, but encouraged me to think about what would happen if my to-do list didn't get done.  The idea of thinking about that isn't new to me (thanks years of therapy) and although I knew it was a good idea, it was scary to me.  I felt like I was comfortable with my lack of control over the birth of this child, but not having control over what happens to Superman during this time was pure anxiety. 

So what if I didn't get Superman's food preferences/routines/etc written down?  Would whomever was taking care of him figure it out?  Of course they would. 

Would Superman be scared for life because his schedule was completely thrown out the window? I doubt it. 

If I go into labor and my husband's aunt can't get here to take care of him, would I not be able to find anyone that could help? Well......this one was the hardest to get passed.  Turns out though, I have some pretty awesome friends that have offered to help if I need it.  I hate the idea of imposing on them...especially because I feel like I can't repay them.  But you know what, if that is my worst case scenario I am doing pretty good, right? 

So I was slowly able to move forward, out of my shadow of anxiety and into the light of (some amount of) calmness.  I created a to-do list and slowly began to work on the items on the list.  Ever so often I would get overwhelmed with one task or another, but my husband was there to help me work through it.  And today, a day before I am officially 38 weeks pregnant, that list is basically complete.  I still need to install the car seat, I would like to find a used glider since we still use the glider that is in Superman's room, and my mom still needs to get here (I added this as a joke because of my slightly superstitious nature. I think that if I cross off all my to-do items, there is a greater chance I will go into labor.  Since I want my mom here, having her arrive as one of my "to-dos" satisfies that superstition. Silliness.).

So I am feeling pretty relaxed about things.  I have been taking more time to myself so that I can rest, my contractions have stopped for the most part so this little guy seems pretty content to stay put for a little while longer, and life is good.  Don't you think?

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