Needing a Parenting Reboot

I don't think I am "supposed to" admit this, but I have not been enjoying parenting my 2 year old lately.  Everything requires more talking, more energy, and more time than it has in the past.  If you have a toddler, you likely know what I mean. 

On particularly "special" days things to go this way:

He wants a snack?  First I have to decide WHAT he wants to eat.  I usually give 2-3 options. Then he decides WHERE we are going to have the snack (upstairs, downstairs, outside, inside, at the table, in a snack trap), then we have to decide if he is going to HELP or not, then we have to decide what CONTAINER to put it in, and finally there tends to be a particular way that he wants it prepared (banana in or out of the peel, cheese cubed or in strips, apple cut up or whole).

Take this same level of decision making and apply it to every.single.thing I do all.day.long. And you have a typical tough day in my home.  

Some of you are probably thinking that you would never give your child so much control.  You are probably thinking that you would pick a snack, hand it to your child, and that would be it.  Either you don't have a toddler or if you do, you are the luckiest person on the face of the earth.  Don't get me wrong.  Everyday isn't like this.  But there are days, man, are there days, when he is taking being a "terrible two" seriously, when it is way easier to give him a voice in the decision making than to deal with the tantrum afterward. 

I was really starting to get down on myself.  I wasn't looking forward to playing with him and especially not looking forward to playing trains or cars for the 50th time that day and I thought that made me a bad mom.  But then I realized something.  I don't actually have to like everything that he likes.  I know that sounds obvious when I say it, but it really hadn't occurred to me before.  Part of my job as a mom is to play with my kid and to love it, right?   Not exactly.  I think I should want to spend time with my kid.  I think that most of the time I can find activities that don't drive either one of us insane.  And the rest of the time?  Well I don't have a solution for the rest of the time.  Grin and bear it, I suppose.
  
So given my level of exhaustion with these particular type of days, there have been several moments lately where I have not been too proud of my parenting skills.  I have snapped at him when I was trying to finish something and he got in the way.  I have spent too much time on Facebook when I should have been playing with him.  I have told him "in a minute" too many times so that I could finish what I was doing, even if it wasn't that important or crucial that I finish it then.  Finally, I have had too many days where I am overly grateful for nap time and bedtime. 

I knew that the only way out of this rut was to look at the things in a new way...focusing on the things that were going well.  So I started writing down the things I am proud of, with regard to parenting  It was an amazing experience.  At first, I stated the easy ones.

• I remember to tell him that I love him throughout the day (and not just when he has done something good).
• I give him hugs and kisses every time the opportunity arises.

Then I started really thinking about the things we do on a fairly regular basis and that I view as good decisions as a parent.

• I model playing creatively and I encourage him to play along.   
• We go outside almost every chance we get.  
• I include him in the things I do around the house. 
• I don't forget to get really silly with him at least a couple of times a day.   
• I give him jobs so that he feels useful and experiences the success in accomplishing a task.
• I have nurtured his love for reading by having books accessible to him and we read books together several times a day.
• I make him clean up his toys (most of the time).
• I have begun to feed him real food as often as I can (95% of the time).  How can I let him grow up without goldfish crackers?
•  Sometimes, even when we are in a rush, we stop everything and just cuddle.   My favorite time to do this is getting in and out of the car.  Why?  Because it makes a remarkable difference in reducing my crankiness in those rushed moments.

Then I started thinking about the tough things I do as a parent...

• When he goes into tantrum mode, most of the time I remember to meet him where he is.  I give him hugs, use kid language to describe what I think he wants, get him to take a deep breath, and then we talk about what we need to do instead.  
• When I sense a struggle coming on, I give him two-three choices so he feels like he has some control.  
• When he starts to whine for something, I remind him to "try again" and ask me the correct way.   
• I tell him "no", I tell him "yes", and I tell him "ABSOLUTELY".  However, I also tell him, "in a minute", "after I finish ___", and "maybe later" so he begins to learn about being patient.  
• We have found a discipline system that works for us (right now) and is predictable for him.  

 Finally, I reflected on my actions specifically.  What am I doing to model being a quality human being?

• I exercise regularly and he is part of that routine.
• I model using "please" and "thank you" and remind him to use them as well.
• I love my husband and we are appropriately affectionate in front of the kids.
• I am not afraid to show him a full range of emotions, but I be sure to use words to describe how I am feeling so that he understands.  I use these opportunities to model how to recover from a bad mood or how to embrace the happy times. 
• It took me a while, but I found hobbies that didn't involve him. I think it is important that he sees that I have interests outside of being mom. 
• I admit when I have made a mistake.

If you compare the moments where I have been a less than stellar parent lately with this list, would you describe me as a good parent or a poor one?  Are we allowed to have moments as moms and dads where we don't have our A game on?  I suppose that is for each person to choose for themselves, but I have decided that I need to cut myself some slack.  I do very few things poorly, but a whole heck of a lot of things really well.  I AM a good mom and now?  I know it.

Top 5 Tips for Grocery Shopping With Kids

Yesterday I ranted about people continually telling me that I am brave for shopping with both of my kids.  Although I find the comments annoying, it seems like there are some people who think that shopping with kids will be really, really hard.  Based on the biggest concerns I have heard from other moms, their kids' behavior seems to be the biggest worry.  I am not claiming to be an expert or without a bad day, but I have some tricks that I use to make my shopping trips not just doable, but really enjoyable.  So here is my top 5 tip list for being successful at the store. 

5. Bring snacks anytime one of them is tired/cranky/etc. or plan the trip during your child's usual snack time and bring it along with you.  A well fed kid will typically behave better than one that is hungry.  Use a healthy, but easily eaten on-the-go snack (cut up cheese and apple, crackers, etc).  I would advise against giving "treats" or a special snack while shopping (see #2) because otherwise they may expect it every time. 

4. If you have more than one kid, wear one of them.  Not only will this free up space in your cart (if one is an infant) and entertain that child, but you will burn some great calories while shopping.  Since Mr. T can't sit up on his own yet, that usually means I am wearing him.  However, if I am not going to get many items I will keep him in the car seat and wear Superman in the ergo on my back.  He loves it!!

 3. Enlist them to be your helpers.  For Superman, that means he gets to hold a few (none that are breakable or smooshable) items.  He also likes me to give him the item and he drops it into the cart.  Finally at the checkout, he is in charge of the cards.  He gives the checker the store club card and helps me run the credit card through the machine.   If they are older, give the child a calculator and have them keep track of your total spending or have them help decide which kind of cheese, yogurt, etc you will get. 

2. Do not bribe them.  Do not tell them that they will get a treat for behaving and do not let them have the cookie from the bakery.  If you do, they will ask you for it every.single.time and you can't really blame them for trying.  Make the grocery trip about spending time with them and doing something together.  If they are never told they will get something for behaving, they aren't likely to think to ask for something.

1. Do not ignore them.  Seriously, how fun is to have to sit in a cart for who knows how long and the whole time being ignored?  I bet you have all seen a kid screaming "mom, mom, mom" or throwing things on the floor while Mom completely ignores the pleas for attention. While we might not be this bad and we don't mean to, sometimes when we are just trying to get a task done, we turn inward and tune out everything around us.  Try hard not to tune out your kids. 

Take the time to talk with them.  If they are old enough, get their opinions on what you are buying, what meals you might try in the future, or just what they did at school that day.  If they are still young, use the time to sing songs, model decision making ("Let's see, I need olives. This can is $1.99, but this can is $1.09.  I think I will get the cheaper one because it all tastes the same.), or practice a new skill ("What letters do you see?").  And best of all, if they are in the cart, give them lots and lots of hugs!  Superman loves to get hugs and then push off of me and go gliding away.  I run up to catch him and we do it all over again.  I love our little game and we both end up leaving the store in a better mood.

 *************

I can always use more ideas and I feel like I have great tips for right now and for when they are school age, but I am thinking I need some new ones for when Superman is a preschooler.
So what are your tricks for a happy shopping trip? 

Please Make The Crying Stop

Okay friends, I need some help.  I am really struggling with Superman's crying/screaming fits lately. I know how to handle his tantrums when he isn't getting his way, so I want to be clear that this is not my issue.

My issue is around when he wakes up.  Most of the time it is after his second nap, but it has happened first thing in the morning and after the first nap a couple times.  It was happening just a couple times a week, but the frequency has increased to an almost daily occurrence and today it happened twice (morning and afternoon nap).

He will be okay when I walk into the room, but then when I pick him up or sit with him in the rocking chair, he freaks out.  I thought it began because he knew that a diaper change was next and he hates diaper changes.  But after changing up the routine and waiting to change the diaper, he still is freaking out. 

I tried making the wake up routine slow and comforting.  I didn't turn the light on right away, tried rocking and cuddling with him, but he still freaks out. 

He doesn't seem to be in pain, but will arch his back and kick his legs.  He doesn't want me to hold him and pushes me away, but if I put him down he freaks out more. 

I have found two things that will end the screaming.  Sesame Street and putting him in the stroller and going for a walk.  If it is raining or I am exhausted (or I have a tear stained face like today), I opt for Sesame Street even though I hate that he is watching T.V.  It isn't an instant cure, we have to cuddle for awhile (which I love) and then he eventually will crawl out of my lap and play while watching.  We usually watch for about 10 minutes and then all is good.  I know 10 minutes isn't a huge deal, but I hate the idea of creating a pattern that television fixes our problems.

If I opt for the walk, he calms down pretty quick.  I thought it was just a change of scenery, but if I just walk outside with him he won't stop crying.  It is a fine solution to our problem and most of the time don't mind using it to get him to stop.

I just want to stop them from happening at all.  I read a post over at Mommy Shorts yesterday about "Taking Down the Tantrum" and I was grateful for the advice that was given.  However, the advice doesn't really apply to this situation....or does it? Am I somehow giving in to what he wants therefore things are getting worse?

I am not kidding when I say that I am pleading for your help.  I really want you to leave me a comment and give me advice on what might be causing the tantrum when I go to get him from a nap and what I might do to extinguish it.  Please.

A (funny) Bad Mommy Moment

Superman has taken to walking all over the downstairs during his play time.   No longer can I plop myself down in the living room and play with him...no, playtime includes following him around making sure he doesn't get into anything he isn't suppose to while allowing him to explore independently. 

If you have (or had) a toddler, I imagine this sounds familiar. 

But rather than jumping into the end of the story, here is what happened first:

It was a normal day, he was toddling around pushing the kitchen chairs, pulling dishtowels out of the drawer, playing with the boxes I had put into the recycling container, running down the hall, taking almost every.single.shoe out of the storage bench that we have near the front door, and then returning back to the kitchen to explore the dog dish.

Oh dog dish...how I hate thee.  Superman LOVES water and wants to take any opportunity to play in it.  That has made the dog dish very appealing. I think that he sort of understands that he isn't supposed to play in it, but the time-outs we tried just never seemed to stick with him and he would just try and play with it the next day.  (Side note: I think he is just showing us that he is too young for time-outs. Anyone have any thoughts on this?)

So to avoid him getting opportunities to play in the water, but not going crazy anytime he goes near it, I watch him closely and the moment he goes for the water is when I intervene. 

So here I was watching him near the dog dish, there is a chair in my direct line of sight but I was just waiting for him to bend over to say, "no" and I could see his head easily.  It doesn't take long and I say, "no water".  Miraculously he turns and decides to walk back to me. 

Then I notice it...water on his shoe.  I think he must have put his foot into the water so I pick him up to take off the shoe when I realize that his shoe was not the only thing that ended up in the water. 

When I was sitting there waiting for him to bend over to touch the water?  Yeah, he was already in the water with one foot!  When he bent down, he actually SAT in the water!  So now I am holding one drenched toddler and despite my desire to be mad at him for getting into the water (and for me for not seeing it), I just had to laugh...

This may be the first time he has ended up a mess from one of his explorations, but it certainly won't be his last.  I think keeping a sense of humor about it all will help me be a better (sane) parent. 

Please leave me a comment, I want to hear your (funny) bad mommy moments!  

Top 5 Toys For My One Year Old

Between Christmas and his birthday, Superman has recently received more toys than I can count.  When I was looking for toys to buy him I found that there just isn't a whole lot of help out there.  If you go on Amazon, you can't search for toys for a 1 year old.  The closest you can get is birth to 24 months...really, Amazon you need to rethink this.  Do you not understand how different a 3 month old is compared to a 12 month old compared to a 24 month old?  Craziness.

There are a few good lists if you do a Google search, but really I didn't even know what I should be looking for in toys for him.  I wondered:  What skills am I trying to foster in him through play?  What toys will grow with him?  What skills should a one year old even be working on?  Well I gave up trying to figure it out. We got him a big gift for Christmas (see below) and a big gift for his birthday (a wagon) and we called it good.  And it was great because everyone else knew better than I did and he ended up with some great toys and books!

Before I get to what he actually plays with, I was really grateful that some people gave us toys targeted for 18 months so he wasn't given all his gifts to play with at one time.   One of the cool toys for 18 months and older that I can't wait to see him play with is the Fix N' Learn Speedy (amazon says it is 6 months - 3 years but that isn't what the box says).

So what did he get?  Along with the toys I mention below, he got a bunch of new books (which I am really grateful for since we do story time 3x a day), bath toys, plastic beads, music, and stuffed animals.  There isn't a single toy that he doesn't play with on a daily basis...seriously, not a single one.  

So without further adieu, here are the top five toys Superman has gotten in the past month.

5.   B. Sugar Chute - Basically this looks like a big gumball machine filled with different colored balls.  Superman is obsessed with plastic balls that fit in his hands to begin with (thanks to the Playskool Explore and Grow Busy Ball Popper which we have had for some time, but is still one of his favorite toys).  I love that this provided him some challenge.  Of course, he could just reach in the top and grab a ball, but we were able to put it on the coffee table and teach him how to get the balls to drop and then how to pull them out of the little door at the bottom.  He struggled with this quite a bit, but once he learned to use two hands he was on a roll.  He also loves throwing the balls into the top after he has retrieved them from below. 

4. Count and Learn School Bus - The bus comes with 4 colored balls that have sensors in them.  When you put the ball in the special hole it tells you the color or the animal that is on the ball.  The top is also open so if they can't get it in the hole, they can still put the balls in the bus.  It took him a little bit to learn how to do it, but Superman loves to push the ball through the hole and watch them roll down the bus and out the door (the door opens and closes).  He does this over and over and over.  Downside to the toy? Both my husband and I have the song it plays stuck on our heads at this point. 

3. Mega Bloks Maxi Tub with 140 pieces - I wasn't sure if he would know what to do with the blocks and, frankly, he doesn't know how to build anything yet.  However, he loves to pull the pieces apart and to wreck anything we build.  The big thing that surprised me was how much he likes to open the lid, take out a piece, close the lid, put the piece on top or on the ground and then repeat the process over and over and over again.  It was the first toy that he really "played a game" with by himself.   

2.  Mega Bloks Cat Large Vehicle Dump Truck - It is so big that he can push it around the living room while walking.  He loves to throw blocks into the back, pull them out again or tip the truck over to get the pieces out (he knows that they are supposed to "dump" but he hasn't figured out how to unlatch the bin so this is his version of it 'dumping').

1.  Smart Trike - He loves this thing!  I bundle him up and we go for a walk and he literally sings the whole time.  I have never seen him happier than he is on that trike.  While he is still too little to pedal it, the pedals disengage so they don't move as you push it and there is a little platform that drops where he can rest his feet.  There are also rails on either side of him that keep him from falling off.  The push handle, rails, and sun shade remove so that it grows with the child. (I am proud to say that this was actually our gift to him from "Santa"!)



Note:   Although I am willing to do product reviews upon request, I was not asked to do these reviews nor was I given anything in return for my opinion in this post.  These were truly gifts given to Superman from our friends.
 

Favorite Moments Friday

Man I have been really bad at this whole Favorite Moments Friday lately.  In fact, my last Favorite Moments post? November 7th.  Yeah, I am bad.

So let's start with November: 

• Superman stayed with his first real babysitter so hubby and I could go to a movie.  It was fabulous! Then a couple weeks later the babysitter came back and hubby and I went to the Blazer's game.  It is so nice to have a babysitter that we can count on.
• I found out that I am pregnant with baby #2 and Superman is going to be a big brother!
• Superman started to teeth his molars this month.  They wouldn't come in till the end of next month, but the pain lasted all month long.
• We ditched the bucket seat and Superman is now in a convertible seat.  He is a growing boy!
• We headed to Kansas City for Thanksgiving.  It was so much fun to see Superman play with his cousins.  We also went and got family pictures taken...they turned out great!  The only downside to the trip was having to fly with a little one that really just wanted to get down and play and not stay seated in our laps.  Thank goodness for direct flights.

December 

•  Teething is driving me insane and causing Superman so.much.pain!  
• We started two new traditions...going to the Oregon Zoo's Zoo Lights and Portland International Raceway lights.  The Zoo Lights was super cold, but a whole lot of fun.  Superman liked the lights more than I thought he would, thus making the experience that much more enjoyable for us.   The lights at the raceway were also a lot of fun.  We tried taking Superman out of his car seat so he could see them better, but he just wanted to play with the door.  So I put him back in his car seat and angled his mirror so he could see them.  It worked out great.  Next year he will be big enough that I can flip his car seat around to be forward facing just for the trip around the track. 
• Christmas time was so much fun! We went and cut down our own tree.  It was so blistery cold, but it is a tradition that I love.  Decorating the house confused Superman at first.  He wasn't sure what to make of it all.   Christmas day was also a lot of fun. He loved all the paper and the boxes....oh the boxes!  He loves his new toys, but for a while he just wanted to play with the wrapping.  We also went over to my husband's aunt and uncle's home for Christmas dinner and he got to play with his cousins.  I find it fascinating how much he wants to play with the big kids (although he did have some love for his cousin that is 4 months younger).  
• He has begun to throw everything!  He throws things out of his crib, out of his play area, and food onto the floor.  We are trying to ignore the behaviors that we don't like, but it is so hard when he throws food onto the floor with two hungry (they would say starving) dogs in the house.  We started putting the dogs upstairs while he was eating, but that is a big pain.  The thing that seems to work the best is just taking the rest of the food away and saying "all done".  If he isn't done? He reaches for the food and we help him eat by giving him one piece at a time.  Hopefully he will give this fun new game up soon!
• Superman has 2 new teeth! The two top molars have poked their way through...finally!  The one on the right poked through on Christmas eve and the one of the left on Christmas day. 
• Superman is SO.CLOSE to walking independently.  Prior to Christmas he had taken a couple steps independently, but not without a lot of encouragement.  On Christmas morning he was leaning on a box on blocks and all of a sudden just let go and stood on his own.  He fell when I started to freak out, but since then has stood independently many, many times. 
• S is beginning to feed himself with a spoon.  We have to put the food on the spoon, but he takes over from there.  Needless to say meals have gotten a bit more messy, but I love that he is becoming independent!
• He helped me put his toys away!  Tuesday night my husband was about to bring him up for his bath and I asked him to help me put the blocks in the bucket.  After watching me, he began to throw some of the blocks in too.  Once we were done, he took a couple out and threw it back in, probably because we made such a big stink every time he threw one in.  

Superman turns 1 on Sunday.  I can't believe it!  This year has gone by so quickly.  I have changed so much in that time, I hardly feel like the same person.   I am going to take some time this weekend and write Superman a letter for his first birthday.  Check back on Sunday to see it!

And ready to go!

Yesterday I posted about the realization that Superman had outgrown his infant car seat.  Today I am going to talk a little bit about what I did to find Superman's new seat.

Unless your child is over a year, the next car seat after the infant seat must be a convertible one.  Most state laws dictate that children must be at least 20 pounds and one year before they are allowed to be forward facing.  However, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA),

"For the best possible protection keep infants in the back seat, in rear-facing child safety seats, as long as possible up to the height or weight limit of the particular seat."

With this in mind, I knew that I wanted to not only get a convertible seat, but one that would allow Superman to stay rear-facing as long as possible. 

So the first thing I do whenever I need to buy something new is go to Consumer Reports.  Sadly, this time they dropped the ball for me initially.  I didn't feel like their reviews on car seats helped me much and they were recommending some seats that had really low scores.  Frankly, I just didn't understand it all.

The next thing I did was post on my personal Facebook page that we were looking for a new seat and wanted recommendations.  I thought that I might at least get some leads and maybe some car seats to stay away from.  Of the 21 responses, all but one person recommended the Britax and that person had a Combi and an Evenflo.  The three main Britax car seats people had were the Roundabout, Marathon, and Boulevard.

At this point I did go back to Consumer Reports and found that the Roundabout was the highest rated of the three, but had the lowest limits for weight (35 lbs rear facing & 50 lbs forward facing) and shoulder height  (max 16.25 for both rear and forward facing).  All three have a max height of 49 inches.

Since I want Superman to be rear facing for as long as possible, I felt like the Roundabout was out of the mix for me.   When I looked at the Marathon 70 and Boulevard 70 the only differences was the side impact protection.  The Boulevard has extra head support in case of a side impact collision.  According to Consumer Reports, the Boulevard also had a feature that allowed for adjusting the harness height without having to re-thread it.   Consumer Reports also rated the Boulevard higher than the Marathon.

I went back and forth over which of these two to get.  Amazon had them both on sale and the difference in price was about $20.   Finally my husband told me to get the one that was rated higher.  So we got the Boulevard 70.

I will be honest, when I saw how big the car seat I was a little worried that I went a bit overboard.  We could have gotten away with the Marathon...but it turned out we couldn't install it in the middle seat (and wouldn't have been able to install the Marathon in the middle either).  Now I am grateful to have the extra side impact protection.

Resources:
National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA)

• Ease of Use Ratings (descriptions) 
• Ease of Use Ratings (actual ratings)

Child Restraint Laws (by state)
Seat Check.org
Car Seat Recall List

**Disclaimer- I am not an expert on car seats.  I have no certifications or documents saying I should be giving advice. Therefore, take what I say as one mom's experience and do you own research.  Thank you.***

All buckled in...

A few days ago I wrote about safety on the internet...or rather I wrote about reading about safety on the internet. Today I am going to talk about safety in your car.  I know that many of you have little ones around the same age as my Superman.  Many of you probably are still using your infant car seat, aren't you?  It is okay to admit it, I was up until this week.

Thank goodness for friends with children older than my own.  I was at boot camp and it came up casually.  I had it stuck in my head that my infant car seat was rated to 30 pounds.  Superman is only 19 pounds so we were good.  What these ladies pointed out to me was that it is not just weight, but height that factors into the change to a bigger seat.  When they said that I had one of those, "OMG I can't believe I didn't think about that!" moments.

So I did a little research and found that the height limit for our infant seat was 30 inches.  Superman was 29 inches at 9 months.  Fortunately, we measured him again and he is still just 29 inches.  However, the other thing the manual said was that if his head was less than an inch from the top of the seat, it was time to get a bigger seat.  Sure enough Superman's head was less than an inch from the top.

So let me recap.  You should know the following limits for your current car seat:

• weight limit (if it is a convertible seat, you should know the limit for rear facing and forward facing)
• height limit (if it is a convertible seat, you should know the limit for rear facing and forward facing)
• shoulder height limit

Unless you are absolutely positive that your child is within the limits for their current car seat, I would go check right now. Oh and if you knew this already? Good job!  I am disappointed that I didn't know all this before, but feel better knowing that I have the information now.  If your child is too big for their car seat, don't beat yourself up, just do something about it.  If you aren't sure where to start, be sure to come back tomorrow when I will share my experience with shopping for Superman's new car seat.

**Disclaimer- I am not an expert on car seats.  I have no certifications or documents saying I should be giving advice. Therefore, take what I say as one mom's experience and do you own research.  Thank you.***