Saturday, January 01, 2011

Birth Day Remorse

A year ago today I was heading to the hospital...didn't get my baby till 5 minutes into the next day, but it is still a day I will remember forever.  Unfortunately with this remembering comes a lot of odd guilt and remorse.  I know this will sound silly to many of you, but I am hoping at least one person out there gets what I am feeling.  I am remorseful that Superman wasn't born till the 2nd.  

Seriously, I feel silly just typing it, but it is true.  I feel like if I had held it together and tolerated the pain a little better I could have pushed him out while it was still January 1st.

You may be asking yourself, "why does it matter?"  It has nothing to do with having a New Years baby if that is what you are thinking.  The whole day the doctor was sure that he was going to be born that day.  It was me that had to take a break 2 hours into pushing because the pain was just too much.  It was me that didn't know what I was doing so I didn't get it done.  It has to do with the fact that it doesn't feel like he was born on the second.  I labored all day on the 1st.  I pushed on the 1st.  I was in pain on the 1st.    I expected him to be born on the 1st after all that I had gone through.  

All of this makes me worried that every year on January 1st I will be feeling all nostalgic about his birth and not so much on the 2nd.  Please tell me I will get over this stupid emotional tie to January 1st and begin to appreciate that the 2nd is truly his birthday.  


Post a Comment