Dear Superman,
What a year it has been! I can honestly (and easily) say that this was the best year of my entire life...and the hardest. My world changed so dramatically the moment you entered it and I love it!
Prior to your arrival, I was an ESL teacher in a local elementary school. I worked long hours, going in on the weekends frequently. I loved what I did and considered it less of a job and more of just who I was...yes, it defined me. I was a teacher. Today? I find myself struggling to find that part of me. Sure I try and teach you lots of things, but somehow it is just different. A great different, but different.
You make my heart sing with every smile, giggle, and squeal. I melt every time you reach for me, crawl across the room to sit in my lap, or cuddle up close. As someone who struggled to sit still and focus on one thing at a time, you have shown me the beauty of slowing down and enjoying the moment. You have taught me to see the world through your eyes...exploring how each toy works, the leaves that we find, or the planes that fly over head.
As ill prepared as I thought I was to be a parent (because really who can really be prepared to be a parent?), you showed me that I did have skills to take care of you. You were patient with me (as much as a newborn could be) when we struggled with nursing. You played along and stopped crying when we tried out our new skills that we learned from Dr. Karp's book and video (although your dad was really the rock star when it came to many of the soothing techniques compared to me). And when I would freak out about one thing or another, you would cuddle with me and over time show me that really, everything was going to be okay.
In the first month we had lots of visitors and I had lots of help taking care of you. However, my favorite time of day that first month was about 3-4am when I would wake up to feed you. The whole house was quiet, I had a strange amount of energy, and it was just the two of us. You loved to cuddle and it was at this feeding that I got your first little smile as you fell asleep in my arms. It was great to have so much family around, but I cherished having those moments with you.
As the next several months went by I loved watching you learn new things...from holding onto toys, to holding your head up on your own, to actually playing with your toys for the first time. However, once June hit I felt like you started taking on more and more skills that added to your personality. You rolled over and could sit up on your own (once we put you in the seated position that is) that month which just opened up the world to you. I could no longer put you down in one place and expect you to be there when I returned! You also were babbling more and more and laughing at the things you thought were silly. In August you learned to do the army crawl and you were on the move. Then September came and you began to learn to get yourself into a seated position and pull yourself up to standing. By October you were a cruising around the living room! We spent November and December saying that you were going to walk any day, but you had other plans. You focused on getting more stable on your feet, exploring your new world, and teething molars (the most pain I think you have been in since you were born). You are getting closer and closer to the day that you will walk independently though, standing on your own for a few moments while you play with your toys and taking a few steps here and there...I have no doubt that you will do this in your own time (and once again your actions are reminding me that slow and steady is a good way to go through life).
Watching you with your dad is one of my most favorite things to do. You love your dad so much...giving him huge smiles (and sometimes squeals) when he walks into the room. Your dad loves playing with you, giving you baths, and reading books with you at night. I look forward to seeing your relationship grow as you get bigger.
This upcoming year will be an exciting one as well. You will be learning more and more about the world around you, will begin to walk and talk, and find new skills that I can't even think of right now. You will also become a big brother this year!
I had hoped that I could adequately describe how much you mean to me, but I don't know if there are adequate words to do that. So I will leave you with a huge 'thank you' for being my son and teaching me so much this year. I love you up to the moon and down to the sharks and around the world a million, billion times!
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Baby #2- 12 weeks
December 25, 2010 - Merry Christmas!
How far along: 12 weeks
Maternity clothes: Bought some new pants! I can still fit into my jeans, but they are not comfortable at all. I have a few pairs of pants from my first pregnancy, but with Superman I tend to get dirty a lot more so it was either do laundry more (no way) or buy more pants.
Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat with this at home fetal doppler. Last time I rented one, but thought I would take my chances with this purchase (since it was less than what it would cost to rent). I am thrilled that it worked!
Movement: I think I felt the baby! I feel like it should be WAY too early to feel movement, but Sunday I felt a few flutters in the same spot. It would flutter, stop, flutter, stop and repeated that a couple times. Then I was driving one night this week and it happened again. I have no idea if it was actually the baby, but it sure felt like it.
Food cravings: cheese!
Gender: ?????
Labor signs: none
What I miss: feeling better and beer
What I'm looking forward to: Christmas! Technically I should be writing this on Christmas, but it will be a busy day so I am writing on Christmas Eve. We are going to tell my husband's uncle, aunt, and cousins at dinner Christmas day. I am also looking forward to the ultrasound on Monday. We are going to announce on Facebook and this blog after the appointment.
Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): I don't remember much of the bad parts of being pregnant. I mean I remember not feeling well as an event that happened to me, but not as an emotion or feeling. Does that make sense at all? I also can't remember what the pain felt like during labor even though I know that it was the worst pain of my life. It truly is amazing that our brains allow us to forget those things.
Milestones: possibly feeling the baby kick, hearing the heartbeat on the doppler
Emotions: doing okay this week
Tandem Nursing:
Nursing only morning and night...sort of
Supply: almost none existent. I have to supplement for both morning and night. Superman still will latch on and nurse for awhile so I am letting him...but he certainly isn't getting any real milk from it.
Pain: None
Nausea while nursing: None
Positions for nursing: cradle hold
Other thoughts on this: I have heard that many babies will continue to nurse for comfort till the milk comes back after the baby is born. I am beginning to wonder if I am willing to stick with it though. I am really appreciating the bottles (and sippy cup now and then) and dream of a day when my husband and I can take turns sleeping in.
Till next week!
How far along: 12 weeks
Baby's size: plum
Symptoms: Holy Nausea Batman! It has been really bad this week...really bad. No getting sick, just nausea but it still sucks. Very little sounds good to eat and dinners this week have been mostly rice and cottage cheese.
Sleep: Doing well!
Total Weight Gain: staying steady at 4 pounds down
Total Weight Gain: staying steady at 4 pounds down
Maternity clothes: Bought some new pants! I can still fit into my jeans, but they are not comfortable at all. I have a few pairs of pants from my first pregnancy, but with Superman I tend to get dirty a lot more so it was either do laundry more (no way) or buy more pants.
Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat with this at home fetal doppler. Last time I rented one, but thought I would take my chances with this purchase (since it was less than what it would cost to rent). I am thrilled that it worked!
Movement: I think I felt the baby! I feel like it should be WAY too early to feel movement, but Sunday I felt a few flutters in the same spot. It would flutter, stop, flutter, stop and repeated that a couple times. Then I was driving one night this week and it happened again. I have no idea if it was actually the baby, but it sure felt like it.
Food cravings: cheese!
Gender: ?????
Labor signs: none
What I miss: feeling better and beer
What I'm looking forward to: Christmas! Technically I should be writing this on Christmas, but it will be a busy day so I am writing on Christmas Eve. We are going to tell my husband's uncle, aunt, and cousins at dinner Christmas day. I am also looking forward to the ultrasound on Monday. We are going to announce on Facebook and this blog after the appointment.
Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): I don't remember much of the bad parts of being pregnant. I mean I remember not feeling well as an event that happened to me, but not as an emotion or feeling. Does that make sense at all? I also can't remember what the pain felt like during labor even though I know that it was the worst pain of my life. It truly is amazing that our brains allow us to forget those things.
Milestones: possibly feeling the baby kick, hearing the heartbeat on the doppler
Emotions: doing okay this week
Tandem Nursing:
Nursing only morning and night...sort of
Supply: almost none existent. I have to supplement for both morning and night. Superman still will latch on and nurse for awhile so I am letting him...but he certainly isn't getting any real milk from it.
Pain: None
Nausea while nursing: None
Positions for nursing: cradle hold
Other thoughts on this: I have heard that many babies will continue to nurse for comfort till the milk comes back after the baby is born. I am beginning to wonder if I am willing to stick with it though. I am really appreciating the bottles (and sippy cup now and then) and dream of a day when my husband and I can take turns sleeping in.
Till next week!
Baby #2- 11 weeks
December 18, 2010
How far along: 11 weeks
Emotions: still riding the emotional roller coaster
Tandem Nursing:
Nursing only morning and night
Supply: low. I have had to supplement in the mornings a few times this week.
Pain: None
Nausea while nursing: None
Positions for nursing: cradle hold
Other thoughts on this: Our nursing days are numbered. It is becoming obvious to me that my supply will not stick around with just two feedings which is highly disappointing. He is still getting breastmilk in his bottles (mixed with whole milk), but I don't know how much longer he will put up with a low supply on my end.
Till next week!
How far along: 11 weeks
Baby's size: lime
Symptoms: The nausea seems to be getting better, but I have been really tired this week.
Sleep: Figured out that I can't take a nap in the afternoon and sleep well at night. Otherwise, sleep is good.
Total Weight Gain: total down 4 pounds
Total Weight Gain: total down 4 pounds
Maternity clothes: I have been wearing a lot of maternity clothes. My belly is slightly bigger, but I just look chubby. All my normal shirts are now tight in the belly area so it is just more comfortable to wear the maternity ones. I have discovered that I hate my maternity jeans...or rather I am remembering that I hate them. They drove me insane last pregnancy because they would never stay up. I am not in search of new jeans.
Best moment this week: Some friends and I did a cookie exchange. I know this isn't pregnancy related, but those cookies and other treats were sooooo good. :)
Movement: too early
Food cravings: nothing really sounds good
Gender: ?????
Labor signs: none
What I miss: feeling better
What I'm looking forward to: being able to tell people--only a little over a week to go!
Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): A cookie exchange doesn't have to be just cookies.
Milestones: moving into maternity clothes
Best moment this week: Some friends and I did a cookie exchange. I know this isn't pregnancy related, but those cookies and other treats were sooooo good. :)
Movement: too early
Food cravings: nothing really sounds good
Gender: ?????
Labor signs: none
What I miss: feeling better
What I'm looking forward to: being able to tell people--only a little over a week to go!
Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): A cookie exchange doesn't have to be just cookies.
Milestones: moving into maternity clothes
Emotions: still riding the emotional roller coaster
Tandem Nursing:
Nursing only morning and night
Supply: low. I have had to supplement in the mornings a few times this week.
Pain: None
Nausea while nursing: None
Positions for nursing: cradle hold
Other thoughts on this: Our nursing days are numbered. It is becoming obvious to me that my supply will not stick around with just two feedings which is highly disappointing. He is still getting breastmilk in his bottles (mixed with whole milk), but I don't know how much longer he will put up with a low supply on my end.
Till next week!
Birth Day Remorse
A year ago today I was heading to the hospital...didn't get my baby till 5 minutes into the next day, but it is still a day I will remember forever. Unfortunately with this remembering comes a lot of odd guilt and remorse. I know this will sound silly to many of you, but I am hoping at least one person out there gets what I am feeling. I am remorseful that Superman wasn't born till the 2nd.
Seriously, I feel silly just typing it, but it is true. I feel like if I had held it together and tolerated the pain a little better I could have pushed him out while it was still January 1st.
You may be asking yourself, "why does it matter?" It has nothing to do with having a New Years baby if that is what you are thinking. The whole day the doctor was sure that he was going to be born that day. It was me that had to take a break 2 hours into pushing because the pain was just too much. It was me that didn't know what I was doing so I didn't get it done. It has to do with the fact that it doesn't feel like he was born on the second. I labored all day on the 1st. I pushed on the 1st. I was in pain on the 1st. I expected him to be born on the 1st after all that I had gone through.
All of this makes me worried that every year on January 1st I will be feeling all nostalgic about his birth and not so much on the 2nd. Please tell me I will get over this stupid emotional tie to January 1st and begin to appreciate that the 2nd is truly his birthday.
Seriously, I feel silly just typing it, but it is true. I feel like if I had held it together and tolerated the pain a little better I could have pushed him out while it was still January 1st.
You may be asking yourself, "why does it matter?" It has nothing to do with having a New Years baby if that is what you are thinking. The whole day the doctor was sure that he was going to be born that day. It was me that had to take a break 2 hours into pushing because the pain was just too much. It was me that didn't know what I was doing so I didn't get it done. It has to do with the fact that it doesn't feel like he was born on the second. I labored all day on the 1st. I pushed on the 1st. I was in pain on the 1st. I expected him to be born on the 1st after all that I had gone through.
All of this makes me worried that every year on January 1st I will be feeling all nostalgic about his birth and not so much on the 2nd. Please tell me I will get over this stupid emotional tie to January 1st and begin to appreciate that the 2nd is truly his birthday.
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