Being Mom...NOW

A New Approach To My Health

2012-01-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine posted a link to this article, "11 Integrative Medicine Breakthroughs Of 2011" a little while ago on Facebook. Most of the items seem like common sense to me, but I am glad that they are formally recognizing that yoga helps bad backs and acupuncture is safe for kids. The article also introduced me to the term CAM. It stands for Complementary and Alternative Medicine.

Turns out I have used some forms of CAM for several years. I managed my depression with acupuncture while trying to get pregnant and the first trimesters with Superman, as well as the days leading up to my induction with Mr. T. I have done yoga to help my flexibility and increase my core strength when my back was hurting me. I take an amino acid to avoid getting cold sores when I go to the mountains (but apparently I didn't take enough a couple weeks ago because I ended up with 2 after our tubing trip). I used a chiropractor for my lower back pain during the pregnancy and then Mr. T received craniosacral treatments shortly after he was born.

It wasn't until recently that I decided to take it a step further. As most of you know, I am on a journey to feel better. It started just as weight gain, but as I continued to try and figure out what was going on, my therapist recommended "Intuitive Eating". As I began to pay more attention to how I felt before, during, and after eating, I began to realize that I was feeling pretty crummy. Actually, more than crummy. I was downright sick and had no idea.

The logical thing to do would be to my primary care physician. When I decided that I didn't want to do that because of my lack of help in the past from her, I knew I needed to change primary care physicians (and am in the process of doing that but am not having much luck). I also knew that maybe I needed to look at alternative medicine for the answer...so I began researching naturopathy, found a naturopath (ND), and met with her. (I did end up at my old primary care physician's office so that I could get lab work paid for through my insurance. The nurse practioner gave me a flier on how to lose weight and circled the walk at least 10,000 steps a day after I had just finished telling her that I walk between 11,500-13,000 steps a day on average.)

All I can say is that for the first time in a really long time, I have felt truly heard when I talked about my medical issues. I wasn't looked down upon, I wasn't ridiculed for thinking that something else might be going on despite the lack of evidence at the time, I was listened to because I am the expert of me. What a concept!

So I have been working with my Naturopath for just over two months and have not only learned why I feel like crud, but how to fix it....for good. I have been complaining to my "regular" doctors for years and been told nothing is wrong with me or that I just need to take x pill for 10 days and then I would be better. It infuriates me that mainstream practitioners are so quick to blow patients off just because their lab results are within the normal range.

Now if I could just find a regular physician that works well with naturopaths, I would be golden.

SCD Diet: One week down!

2012-01-07T13:28:00.000-08:00

(Day 7 of 182)

I am doing pretty well! I do not feel like I normally do on a diet where everything I "shouldn't have" is what I am craving. Instead I am craving things like nuts, raw energy balls, and havarti cheese (it is so creamy!). Last night, despite my thought that I wouldn't be able to have pizza for 6 months, I had SCD pizza. I used almond flour, eggs, olive oil, and salt....and it was delicious!! I have had fun trying out different sausages (from the butchers at Whole Foods and New Seasons) and have decided that I really don't like all the non-Italian sausages and that I like the sausages from Whole Foods better.

Overall I am feeling pretty good too. I have more energy and my mood has been pretty good. I have had to adjust my coffee intake because the increased amount of caffeine (compared to soda) was causing my anxiety to act up. I am experiencing some bacterial die-off symptoms during the middle of the day (and one day it was morning through mid-afternoon -not a great day). Thankfully it isn't terribly bad though and I feel like maybe I am over the hump because yesterday was the best day yet.

Also on a plus side, I am down 3 pounds for the week. I have no idea if that is the result of the thyroid meds or the diet though and really, there is no way to know. Frankly, I don't really care what is causing me to lose weight, I am just glad that I am. (*My current goal is to feel better, not to lose weight. I am not counting calories or watching my fat intake because that would just be too hard while learning a new diet.)

The challenges I have faced primarily revolve around finding time to prepare the foods I am going to eat. Superman does a great job playing on his own when I am feeding Mr. T or putting him to sleep, so the times that I am not doing that he really needs to have my attention and nap times haven't been going well lately. I have tried to include him in the making of the food which I think will be key going forward. Today is going to be a small challenge. We are having Superman's 2nd birthday party and there will be cupcakes. I love cupcakes. My plan is to avoid touching them all together. That way I don't have to resist the urge to lick my fingers. Speaking of licking...I am becoming more and more aware of how many little bites/licks/nibbles I took from Superman's food before. I keep catching myself about to eat some "illegal" food!! I guess the good news is that I am catching myself.

So there you have it. Not too shabby for the first week!

A Last Meal

2011-12-31T15:55:00.000-08:00

Many people I know have made the new year resolution to lose weight, get healthier, get stronger, or run in X race. While I don't typically make resolutions, it seems 2012 is going to be about all of those things for me.

Tomorrow I start the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. The diet is not for weight loss, it is for healing my small intestine. However, it is my hope that as it begins to heal and my body becomes better at absorbing nutrients, it will be easier for me to reach the rest of my goals.

In the past when I have started a diet, I have tried to avoid the "last meal" temptation. If my goal is to truly lose the weight, then 1) I shouldn't be eating enormous amounts of calories now and 2) I want to be able to sustain the "diet" so I always had the plan to work my favorite "unhealthy" foods into my eating. Unfortunately, this diet isn't that flexible. There are foods that are legal and foods that are illegal and a few foods that aren't legal till later, but for the most part it is black and white.

So when I decided that I wasn't going to start the diet till January 1st, I had two many reasons for waiting. 1) I needed time to prepare and 2) I wanted to enjoy my favorite "illegal" foods a few more times. The last several weeks have been packed with eating whatever I wanted, no matter how unhealthy it was.

On the list? Cookies, chocolate, and M&Ms mostly. About a week ago I realized that I wouldn't be able to have beer either so I have enjoyed several beers this week. Then last night we headed to Hopworks Urban Brewery for a "last meal" consisting of their awesome pizza and beer. It was a perfect way to end these few weeks of gluttony. While I am not sure it would my real "last meal" of choice, it was exactly what I was looking for.

So if you were to have a "last meal" before a specialized diet like mine, what would it be?

Save Me from the Post Christmas Celebration Explosion!

2011-12-28T15:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am ready for Christmas to be over now. I am ready to take down the tree, put away the decorations, and to have my home back. Normally I want to hold onto the "Christmas feel" for as long as possible. Last year I think I even convinced my husband to leave up the snowmen (that I am addicted to buying) till after Superman's birthday party because I wasn't ready for them to be put away. But this year? I am done.

I think part of the reason is that I now have a toddler. Toddlers take up more space than most people and it isn't just because they have more stuff. Superman likes to spread everything out nice and wide when playing with it. Downstairs that means that when playing blocks, every single one of them are out and on my floor and since my Christmas tree is also taking up a large portion of my living room, I feel like I can't walk anywhere without stepping on a toy. He also likes to lay down when he is playing with certain toys (as do most toddlers, I suppose) and that just means more surface area of my floor is gone. Add in two giant dogs, a baby, a baby's toys (including a play gym and exersaucer), and I really don't have any space to walk around my own living room. I want my living room back!!!!!!

I feel like the weeks leading up to Christmas result in us throwing out our usual routine to celebrate the season (or do thinks in preparation of those celebrations). Now, post Christmas celebration explosion, I just want to get back into our usual routine...back into our groove, if you will. Our usual routine of going to Baby Boot Camp is out since there are no classes this week, so that leaves us at home, surrounded by toys and decorations and holiday chaos.

I'm not the only one feeling the holiday hangover*, I posted on Facebook yesterday that Superman was VERY moody and on my personal page I posted this:

S wants me to play with him, but tells me "no" every time I touch a toy, T is exhausted and almost inconsolable, and Clyde is barking at the wind. Stick a fork in me, I am done.

There were several people who let me know that they were in similar boats. Then I began to see other people post that their kids were "off" and were desperate for things to return to normal asap. One friend called it the "holiday grouchy" and another wished she could bring back her "elf on the shelf".

For people with school age children, I now understand why so many of you can't wait for school to start back up. It isn't so much that you don't want your kids around or to spend the time with them, you are just seeking your normal routine to return for the sanity of both you and your kids.

So what do you do to get things to "return to normal" even when "normal" can't be achieved until after the new year? Me? Well I am going to start by taking down all the decorations. Till next time....

Devan from Accustomed Chaos posted an article called 7 Signs Your Dealing with "After Holiday Aftermath" that I read after I had already started this post. I was sure she was going to have the same complaints as I, but her post has a little different twist. Go check it out!

Operation Happier Baby and Momma

2011-12-14T13:57:00.000-08:00

I feed Mr. T almost every two hours during the day. He nurses at 7:30 before going to bed, gets a bottle at 11:30 from my husband, and then still will wake 2-3 times more that night. This is not working for me, but what are you going to do? I have a big baby and he needs to eat a lot, right? Well, today I learned that he does need to eat more, but maybe we can do something so he isn't needing to do the eating at night.

This problem solving started when I called the doctor because he started spitting up again. He has gained 1.5 lbs since our 4 month appointment, so I thought maybe he needed his acid reflux meds adjusted. The nurse did the usual discussion about my diet (and as you all know I am not adding things to my diet, but rather taking things away) and his eating/sleeping patterns. She is convinced it can be better than it is...it just may take some tweeking.

So here is the initial plan:

When he wakes up in the morning give him solids before nursing him. (If he wakes up at 6 I can still nurse him and put him back to bed, but when I get him up for the day I should do solids first.

Increase his solid intake from two times a day to three and always have either rice or oatmeal as part of the meal. She prefers the rice cereal because she said it is easier on the stomach. This was not the case with Superman, but T is so different than S so I will try it. The idea is that the rice/oatmeal will be heavier in his stomach and hopefully keep him from spitting up. (I am making my own per the directions in Super Baby Food.)

Work on getting "good" feedings during the day. (Meaning: quiet room with minimal distractions and let him tell me when he is done.) This will be difficult with a toddler, but is something I have already been working on.

If he wakes up in the middle of the night, try to get him to go back to sleep without eating. However, if he is hungry- feed him. Hopefully after a few days he will stop being hungry and we will just need to break him of the habit of waking.

Wish us luck!

What's wrong with Mommy C?

2011-12-13T22:54:00.000-08:00

Back in November I talked about trying to figure out why I wasn't losing weight...in fact, I was gaining weight! I am not a fan of my current primary care physician. She doesn't seem to really care about figuring out what is wrong with me. I don't know if she doesn't believe me when I say I don't feel good or just isn't good at her job, but I am done dealing with her. Unfortunately, I can't get into my doctor's office for an initial visit till late December. I decided to see a naturopath in the meantime to at least get the ball rolling. Now that I have gotten a bunch of tests done, here is what I learned.*

-My thyroid is totally wonky. My TSH and T4 are low. My T3 is mid-range. So not really hypothyroidism, but not really not either. Confused? Yeah, me too. Apparently a normal profile for hypothyroidism would be low TSH and low T4, with a mid-range T3. We are going to try some T4 meds and see what happens. We will start slow and see what happens.**

-I do not have Hashimoto's Disease! We did the test for antibodies and were ecstatic to learn that this is not my problem. I had an autoimmune disease when I was little so that makes me more prone to one now (and in the future). I forget why the doctor thinks this (an autoimmune disease) is part of my problem. She is recommending that I go on a gluten free diet. I don't fully understand the connection between gluten and autoimmune diseases, but it is something that I will explore in the months to come.

-I have Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO)...or rather, I had SIBO back about 5 years ago and although I took antibiotics at the time and felt better, it is something that can continue to come back over and over again if you don't fix what caused it. I could go through the 3 hour breath test again, but it is probably a waste of time. In my case, the cause has to do with a lack of acid in my stomach (which is also the cause of my acid reflux). The lack of this acid results in food not being digested enough in the stomach and bacteria entering the small intestine and chowing down on it (or something like this). This is the likely cause for feeling like crud. Thankfully there is a solution. It has three parts and unfortunately, it will not be easy.

Go back on antibiotics. This will kill the bacteria that are there now. (okay, that part is easy)
Fix the acid levels in my stomach. I will take stomach acid and pancreatic enzymes to fix it every single time I eat. (Mildly difficult since I have to remember to take them and quite expensive.)
Change my diet for a minimum of 6 months and heal the lining of my small intestine. I will follow the Specific Carbohydrate Diet for 6 months. At the end I will slowly add foods back into my diet one at a time (very similar to how you introduce solids with a baby) to ensure that each food doesn't bring my symptoms back. It is likely that there will be foods that cause a reaction and I will never be able to eat them again. (OMG this is going to be SO hard!!!)

I am not going to make the official change till the new year. It is just too difficult to try and work around the holidays and learn a whole new diet. It will also give me time to learn the diet and work out the getting my insurance to pay for some of meds. I am working with a health coach and she is helping me find resources that will help me survive. I will post those resources in a different post along with how I dealt with learning about this diet (there were more than a few tears shed) in my next post.

Anyone else ever have to go a new diet that seemed really daunting? I would love to hear from you.

*Because my insurance only covers my appointments with the naturopath and nothing else, I ended up cringing my way through another appointment with my primary doctor. It was awful, but at least I got the tests I need done. **I am sure there is a better medical description of this, but this is what I retained during the crazy whirlwind of appointments.

5 Easy Steps to Making New Holiday Traditions

2011-12-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is upon us!! Since we are a family with few traditions for the season, my husband and I decided to start some of our own.

The idea I am going to share with you today originated from Once Upon A Family (OUAF) and their November workshop in the Family Holidays Monthly Workshop kit. I made some modifications so that it works for us though (instead of it only being tasks that need to be completed anyway, we have included fun things that we want to do as a family).

Step 1:

Buy an advent calendar that allows you to put a small card in each compartment. There are lots of choices out there. You can buy something that hangs on the wall or one that is wooden (like ours). If you buy a wooden one, it is helpful to find one that has equal sized compartments or at least ones that will fit your card for the activity of the day. You would be surprised how many I saw that wouldn't work because of different sized compartments.

Step 2:
Identify 24 family activities that you would like to do before Christmas. To make the season less overwhelming, think of the things that you are doing already and add them to the list. The OUAF kit suggested including tasks like mailing Christmas cards so that your kids are included in all that you do. We didn't do that because our kids are too young right now.

Here are our 24 activities:

Make a hand wreath with everyone's hands. (And introduce the Advent calendar.)
Christmas coloring - we have a Christmas coloring book that Superman will get to color in.
Go to Powell's books and pick out a new book.
Make Christmas cookies
Sing Christmas carols
Go to CHAP and make gifts for Grandparents
Make Paper Chains
Watch personalized video from Santa (from Portable North Pole)
Watch "Charlie Brown Christmas"
Get Christmas tree
Decorate Christmas tree
Go to Zoo Lights
Decorate cookies
Have a picnic dinner by the Christmas tree
Watch "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
Cookies With Santa at Children's Musuem
Decorate Gingerbread house (my husband's employer is putting on this activity)
Watch "Frosty The Snowman"
Go see Christmas lights
Read "Night Before Christmas" as a family (we will read it other nights, but this will be the first reading of it)
Drink hot chocolate and read books by the fireplace
Go to the snow!
Watch "Santa Claus is Coming To Town"
Put out cookies and milk for Santa

Step 3:
Identify the days that you want to do each activity. My brilliant husband created a shared calendar in Google just for this. We already share our Google calendars with each other so this worked out really well. Why do this? Just in case someone gets their hands on the calendar and removes of all the cards, it is a good idea to know when you were planning to do each activity so they can be put back correctly. It is also nice to have it on your calendar so you don't have to keep opening up the little doors to figure out what you are doing the next day.

Step 4:
Write each activity on a card and place it into calendar. I found little gift tags that fit perfectly. I took the little string off them, wrote down the activity inside, and placed it in the box. If you want to get really fancy you can print each activity out with a printer and put them on some nice card stock.

Step 5:
Implement activities. Remember to be present when you are doing the activities. Turn off distractions (ex. phones, computers or tvs) and put any other tasks aside so that you can really focus on spending time with your loved ones. Feel free to take pictures, but don't let the picture taking become more important than the activity itself (I need this reminder on occasion).

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While there is some work initially to plan it all out, each consecutive year should be easier. We will make some tweeks here and there so that the activities are age appropriate. Also, our goal is to add more activities that involve acts of kindness and service as the kids get older (ex. donating toys, food, clothing or making treats for the folks at the nursing home that don't have family). However, many of the activities will be done each and every year, creating some fabulous family memories along the way!

What family traditions did you cherish growing up? Which did you continue with your children? Do you have any new family traditions? I would love to hear from you!

My Real Thanksgiving Meal

2011-11-25T15:32:00.000-08:00

My goal for Thanksgiving was to serve foods that were real. No preservatives, no chemicals, just plain ole' good food. Overall I think I did great! I had one "oops" that clarified how easily it is for me to tune out and just use "whatever" when cooking.

I found a recipe for seasoning the turkey that had a lot of great reviews. It had a bunch of different herbs and at first glance it followed all the rules. Then this morning I started thinking, I used chicken bouillon with water as a base for all the herbs...I don't think that is "real". Sure enough, I went and looked at the bottle and I shouldn't have used it. Anyone know what I should have used instead?

Menu:

Turkey: turkey, water, butter, parsley, minced onion, salt (didn't use the seasoned salt it called for), and bouillon

Mashed Potatoes: potatoes, milk, butter, and garlic

Sweet potato casserole: sweet potatoes, unsalted butter, vanilla extract, maple syrup, egg, milk, and whole wheat flour (I didn't use pecans.)

Cranberry Orange Relish: (the first cranberry orange relish recipe): cranberries, orange (with rind), honey, ground cloves, and ground ginger (I didn't use walnuts.) I also bought some from Trader Joe's, but it uses sugar. I thought my husband would end up eating that instead, but he liked my version better because it wasn't as sweet.

Stuffing: I bought a two different types in a bag from Whole foods and there were not many ingredients and all were real foods. I added butter and water to both. (the bags were thrown out before I could write down what was in them)

Rolls: Bungalow Bread company - 5 ingredients! whole wheat, water, honey, yeast, and sea salt (this is the same company that makes the bread I have been eating)

Apple Sauce: apples, cinnamon

Gravy: store bought and didn't follow the rules. However I was okay with it because I ate very little of it and it was organic. I know it doesn't make it okay just because it was organic, but it helps.

Corn: organic frozen corn

Dessert: Well...we didn't have one. After weighing our options my husband and I agreed that having a pie in the house would be dangerous. Either I made one that we both liked and I would have to fight the urge to eat it (or eat it and deal with the calories) or make one that only he likes and be bummed that I can't enjoy a dessert.

My husband, trying to be the supportive guy I love, said that the combo of cranberry orange relish and apple sauce was sweet enough for him so he didn't need a dessert. I meant to make some whole wheat pumpkin bread, but time got away from me. I am still hoping to make the bread soon. Since I am also trying to lose weight I am using apple sauce instead of oil. I think I might also add some flax seed meal for the omega-3 fatty acid and fiber.

It is a crazy amount of food for 2 adults and a toddler, but we are looking forward to the leftovers.

So there you have it. I think of all meals to make with real food, dinner tends to be the easiest since we tend to make most things from scratch anyway. Being focused on it helped us make better choices for the meal, although many aspects of the meal weren't necessarily healthy when you are trying to loose weight. I shudder at the amount of better I used. In order to enjoy it all, but not go overboard with calories I tried to be conscious of my portion size.

My plate with only two bites of mashed potato and corn gone.

One last note...Mr. T started solids yesterday!! We were "supposed to" start back when we had his 4 month appointment, but he didn't seem ready. In the last week he has shown more of an interest in what we were eating so I decided Thanksgiving would be the day we tried it for the first time. Instead of starting with the traditional rice cereal (since it went so horrible with Superman), I did my research and learned that it isn't a necessary first food. So I made extra sweet potato and gave it a shot! He loved it and almost all of it stayed in his mouth. He kept opening his mouth for more, it was very cute! I made plenty to freeze so it is a good thing he liked it.

Real Food Pledge

2011-11-23T15:16:00.000-08:00

One of the things that I have been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that I know I have been eating too many "foods" that aren't really foods. I wanted to make more things from scratch, buy foods with less preservatives, and eliminate all fake sugar. The problem was that I had no idea where to start.

Then an acquaintance posted a recipe from the blog 100 Days of Real Food on Facebook. I can't even tell you how much this site blew my mind. This site is what I needed to get started. They have rules and recipes and meal plans and they even did it on a budget.

The thing I liked about them was that they called it a "pledge" instead of a diet or a promise or anything else that leaves absolutely no wiggle room. That being said, in my typical Mommy C fashion, I wanted to jump in with everything I had. I gave myself a few days to get "prepped" for it and planned to start this past Monday. The first time I went shopping I had no real list, just the rules. I didn't buy much, but did spend a lot of time looking at labels. I began to feel overwhelmed so I decided I needed a list.

Shopping trip number two was an epic failure. Item after item on my list was either not available, contained sugar, or too expensive (pine nuts at Whole Foods cost $20!). I gave up and came home.

Sunday I sat on the couch and tried to figure out how I was going to start the next day. Some things were easy. I wasn't going to drink diet coke any more. If I made something that called for butter, I was going to use real butter instead of margarine. I wasn't going to eat breads or baked goods that weren't 100% whole wheat and grains. But the specific stuff, like what I was going to eat for lunch the next day, seemed daunting.

Then I had a moment where I was just ready to throw in the towel all together, but I didn't. I didn't give up. Instead, I decided that there was no reason I couldn't take baby steps (which I should have realized because they have mini-pledges that do just that). My goal for this week was to eat only real food for breakfast and most snacks. Next week, I am going to add lunches, and then finally I will add dinners the week after that. I was also going to make a commitment that anytime we run out of something for a meal that I haven't started changing yet, I would make every attempt to buy items that follow the rules.

I have completed two full days so far and I have to say that I am doing pretty well, but I have two specific areas for improvement.

1. I have had one diet coke a day so far. Considering I was having A LOT more than that before, I am heading in the right direction. I am going to allow myself to have one a day the rest of the week and then next week I am going to get rid of it (almost) completely with a new goal of one can per week at the most. I am hoping that I will eventually kick the habit, but this is a step in the right direction. (Anyone that knows me, knows that I LOVE diet coke...l.o.v.e. LOVE. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Yeah...anyway)

2. It didn't occur to me till today to check the label on the peanut butter jar. Turns out my peanut butter doesn't follow the rules. I have some almond butter in the fridge that I will start using instead.

Because it is important to stay positive, I am doing far more things correctly!!

1. I found bread that has less than 5 ingredients and honey instead of sugar. It turns out that yeast needs sugar to work properly so most breads have some sugar in them. I was really lucky and found it on the last day of our local farmer's market!!

2. I am tracking my food!! I have been dragging my feet on this for some time now and I have to say, the Body Media Fit software on my phone is really easy to use. Once you enter a food from their list or manually put in a food, it is saved on a separate list that is easy to access. I would be really annoyed if I had to search for the foods I eat most each and every time I ate them.

3. I am a label reading fanatic!

4. I am finding new recipes and foods to try. In fact, I am going to make this Whole Wheat Pumpkin Bread later today. I am even going to tweek it to make it healthier- I will add some flax seed meal to it for some added Omega-3 fatty acids and I am swapping some (if not all) of the oil for some homemade apple sauce that is just apples and cinnamon.

This post is getting really long. I am sure there is a ton more I can tell you about the pledge so I will just have to leave it for another post. Tomorrow (if I can find the time) I am going to post about my REAL Thanksgiving dinner menu.

I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving!!

One Step at a Time

2011-11-21T22:24:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted about my weight loss journey lately. I am sure you can guess why...yup, haven't lost any weight. In fact, I have been gaining weight. So.not.happy!!!

In an attempt to understand why I was gaining weight I got a Body Media Fit (like the Body Bugg that the Biggest Loser contestants wear, just marketed differently). I thought that maybe I wasn't burning enough calories. My initial goal was just to wear it for a week or two and see what I noticed about my calorie burn, activity level, steps, and sleep. I have been wearing it for longer than that without doing much with the information, but it has been very eye opening nonetheless.

Here is what I learned....

Calorie Burn:
I burn a lot more calories than I thought I did. I am certainly no expert on calorie burn, but I had envisioned that I burned about 2500 calories a day. In reality I burn, on average, about 3100 calories a day. On the days that I do Baby Boot camp, I burn about 3300 calories. On non-boot camp days, I burn about 2800 calories.

Activity Level:
I knew I was getting a good workout at Baby Boot Camp, but according to the Body Media Fit (BMF), I burn about 400-500 calories in one 1 hour class. More specifically, the BMF considers my level of activity to be moderately active (3-6 METs burned*) for 30-40 minutes of the class, while 20-30 minutes are considered vigorous. This varies day to day because the amount of cardio can vary depending on the day.

While I knew chasing after a toddler all day should count for something, I didn't realize how much it would count. I average over an hour and a half of total activity a day (activity intensity of 3 METs or more). That means whether I am going to boot camp or not, I am getting more than enough activity.

*Not sure what METs are? METs or Metabolic Equivalents are a way to measure intensity in activity. At rest, your MET level is 1. Moderate activity is 3-6 METs - you are active but you aren't breathing too hard to carry a conversation, but you probably can't sing. Vigorous activity is over 6 METs - you are active and carrying on a conversation is more difficult.

Steps:
In case I wasn't convinced that I was getting enough activity, my steps were recorded at an average of 11,832 steps a day. My goal when I lost weight back in 2005 was 10,000 steps a day. Almost anything you read about the ideal number of steps when trying to lose weight will say 10,000 steps is the number to shoot for. In the last month I recorded less than 10,000 steps only 7 times. Of those 7 times, at least 3-4 of them were because I wasn't wearing my band the whole day (I know of 2 days that I didn't hit 10,000 because we watched football all day).

Sleep:
I have a 4 month old. Need I say more? Ideally, for weight loss specifically, you need at least 8 hours of sleep a night. I average 5.53 hours of sleep. The BMF also measures time laying down. My average time laying down was 7.17 hours. I usually spend some time reading before bed, but not much more than 15-20 minutes. What is going on during the rest of the time? I'm not sure. I could be tossing and turning. I could be trying to fall asleep. I could be laying there thinking of all the things I need to do the next day. I could also think that I am asleep, but am really just really relaxed. One of the things I need to work on is figuring out how to get more QUALITY sleep since getting more actual sleep won't happen till Mr. T starts sleeping through the night.

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So now what? Well it is time for me to start tracking my food intake, but for a variety of reasons, I think there is more going on. I will be writing about this in my next post as soon as I get a chance. Basically it involves a bunch of medical tests, a naturopathic doctor, a health coach, and my primary care physician. Stay tuned!

Top 5 Tips for Grocery Shopping With Kids

2011-11-16T21:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I ranted about people continually telling me that I am brave for shopping with both of my kids. Although I find the comments annoying, it seems like there are some people who think that shopping with kids will be really, really hard. Based on the biggest concerns I have heard from other moms, their kids' behavior seems to be the biggest worry. I am not claiming to be an expert or without a bad day, but I have some tricks that I use to make my shopping trips not just doable, but really enjoyable. So here is my top 5 tip list for being successful at the store.

5. Bring snacks anytime one of them is tired/cranky/etc. or plan the trip during your child's usual snack time and bring it along with you. A well fed kid will typically behave better than one that is hungry. Use a healthy, but easily eaten on-the-go snack (cut up cheese and apple, crackers, etc). I would advise against giving "treats" or a special snack while shopping (see #2) because otherwise they may expect it every time.

4. If you have more than one kid, wear one of them. Not only will this free up space in your cart (if one is an infant) and entertain that child, but you will burn some great calories while shopping. Since Mr. T can't sit up on his own yet, that usually means I am wearing him. However, if I am not going to get many items I will keep him in the car seat and wear Superman in the ergo on my back. He loves it!!

3. Enlist them to be your helpers. For Superman, that means he gets to hold a few (none that are breakable or smooshable) items. He also likes me to give him the item and he drops it into the cart. Finally at the checkout, he is in charge of the cards. He gives the checker the store club card and helps me run the credit card through the machine. If they are older, give the child a calculator and have them keep track of your total spending or have them help decide which kind of cheese, yogurt, etc you will get.

2. Do not bribe them. Do not tell them that they will get a treat for behaving and do not let them have the cookie from the bakery. If you do, they will ask you for it every.single.time and you can't really blame them for trying. Make the grocery trip about spending time with them and doing something together. If they are never told they will get something for behaving, they aren't likely to think to ask for something.

1. Do not ignore them. Seriously, how fun is to have to sit in a cart for who knows how long and the whole time being ignored? I bet you have all seen a kid screaming "mom, mom, mom" or throwing things on the floor while Mom completely ignores the pleas for attention. While we might not be this bad and we don't mean to, sometimes when we are just trying to get a task done, we turn inward and tune out everything around us. Try hard not to tune out your kids.

Take the time to talk with them. If they are old enough, get their opinions on what you are buying, what meals you might try in the future, or just what they did at school that day. If they are still young, use the time to sing songs, model decision making ("Let's see, I need olives. This can is $1.99, but this can is $1.09. I think I will get the cheaper one because it all tastes the same.), or practice a new skill ("What letters do you see?"). And best of all, if they are in the cart, give them lots and lots of hugs! Superman loves to get hugs and then push off of me and go gliding away. I run up to catch him and we do it all over again. I love our little game and we both end up leaving the store in a better mood.

*************

I can always use more ideas and I feel like I have great tips for right now and for when they are school age, but I am thinking I need some new ones for when Superman is a preschooler.
So what are your tricks for a happy shopping trip?

You are so BRAVE!

2011-11-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

The title "stay at home mom" totally doesn't fit me. Not because I think I am so much more than that (I am more than that, but I feel secure enough with myself to not feel threatened by the title), but because I don't actually spend a whole lot of time at my house. Although I have had issues with leaving or not leaving the house thanks to my PPD/PPA, staying at home all the time just never seemed like a fun option for me.

Interestingly, the fact that I go and do things, like grocery shop, with both boys seems to continually shock some people. I can't even begin to tell you the number of people (some I know and some I don't) that tell me that I am so brave and that they could never go out and about like I do with two boys.

So to the people that I know that think they could never go out with their two kids the way that I do, you can. I promise. I don't know a single mom that couldn't handle it...or many dads for that matter, although they might need a little bit more of a pep-talk first. Maybe it is because I surround myself with pretty awesome people, but I have never looked at one of my fellow moms and thought, "yeah, it would be way too much for you to handle, you should leave grocery shopping for when you only have to bring 1 kid. Or better yet? You can't handle one kid very well either, so you should just go by yourself when your husband gets home." Sounds ridiculous right?

To the people I don't know, do I look like it is totally overwhelming and exhausting and this is your way of telling me so? If that's the case, I am not exhausted because my kids are there. I just look like crap because the idea of putting on make-up and doing my hair seems like a waste. Or are you trying to pay me a compliment because I have two (happy) kids under two that I am shopping with? If this is the case, can't you just pay my kids a compliment and leave me out of it? I can't tell you how happy it would make me for you to compliment Superman on his ability to sit nicely in the cart or for helping me with the shopping. But telling me that I am brave just seems a little ridiculous.

All this being said, if you are honestly looking for tips on how to handle more than one kid out and about, stay tuned for tomorrow's post. I will have my top 5 tips for grocery shopping with your kids.

It's a Toddler Life for Me!

2011-11-13T10:40:00.000-08:00

I am continually fascinated by my day to day life with my toddler. He makes me laugh, cry, and (want to) scream all in single day. The way he lives life (as with most toddlers) reminds me to slow down and explore the flowers* when my instinct tends to be that of a "rushing" nature. He is teaching me how to play cars and trains and would really like me to figure out how to make all the necessary noises that comes with it. He shows me how to dance like you don't have a care in the world (which ends up looking a lot like Elaine's dancing from Seinfeld). He is also reminding me that an art project really isn't about the end product, but rather the creative journey you go on to get there (and boy, do I need to be reminded!).

He is also giving me ample opportunity to learn about patience. Like most parents of toddlers, we have the typical tantrums going on. I have read the book "Happiest Toddler On The Block" and can't recommend it enough. The book hasn't made the tantrums completely go away, but it has taught us how to navigate through them so there are fewer tears, less screaming, and a happier outcome sooner than we would normally be able to achieve.

As if dealing with tantrums wasn't enough to ~~test my~~ teach me patience, communicating with Superman moment to moment also requires a whole lot of it. He is in the phase where he mostly speaks in one (maybe two) word sentences. We have been working on sentences like, "Mommy, cheese please." or "Daddy, car please." But most of the time it is the thing he wants and then an added please when we ask him to "ask nicely".

When he is frustrated, the one or two words go away completely. He wants to grunt or whine his way to whatever he wants. Our current solution is to utilize Dr. Karp's techiniques and say, "You sound really frustrated." and then we add, "can you use your words to tell me what you need/want?" Although we are a long way from it working every time, we are seeing some success. In fact, he is a conversation from yesterday.

S: Whaaaaaaaa (who is standing on a chair eating his lunch at the island in our kitchen)
Me: S, can you try and use your words and tell me what you need? (I am changing T's diaper)
S: No
Me: No as in you can't or No as in milk? (no has some how come to be the word he says for milk)
S: Spoon?
Me: You would like the spoon? (they are also on the island, but out of reach)
S:yeah, spoon.
Me: Can you figure out a way to get the spoon without my help?
S: (No answer. He stands there for a minute, then decides to get off the chair, move it closer to the spoons, climb back up and grab both his plate for lunch and the spoons.)
Me: (glowing from ear to ear) Great problem solving kiddo! S wanted the spoon and he figured out how to get it without Mommy's help. Great job!

He may have a lot to teach me, but this type of conversation reminds me of the magnitude of my job as a mother and how this one skill, of solving a problem on your own, is just a small fraction of all that I have to teach him. How cool is that?

*or rather the leaves that he currently calls flowers

Clarifying my focus

2011-11-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

I am so far behind with my updates on the kids that every time I sit down to write about them, I get overwhelmed and do something else. I got to thinking about why I want to do the updates at all and I realized it is not because I want to share everything with the world, I do them so that I will remember. I do them so that my family and close friends can hear about the little things going on in our little piece of the world without my need to post every little thing on Facebook....although I come close.

So I have decided to create a second blog. A blog where I can post pictures of the kids, use their real names, and write all about the little details of our lives so that I will remember when they are older (you know, like a month from now).

This will free me up to write about the things that I do want to share with the rest of the world...things like how I am dealing with Mr. T's 4 month sleep regression, Superman's new found love of temper tantrums, and my transformative journey involving food, dieting, and my weight. So you can see that I still still write about the kids, but you won't get posts listing their various milestones.

I hope this makes as much sense to everyone else as it does to me.

Just like me.

2011-10-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

Superman doesn't look like me. I was in denial for a long time. People would comment on how much he looks like my husband, but I would just keep thinking that some part of him looks like me...I just needed to figure out which part.

My husband likes to remind me that he does have my toes. Yes, one physical trait he got from me was his lovely webbed second and third toe. I am sure he will be thanking me at some point.

The fact that he doesn't look like me has bugged me since he was born. I look at all my friend's kids and you can totally tell that it is their kid. But then you look at Superman and I and you might think we are related, but it isn't entirely obvious how.

One of my deep down and secret worries I had about Mr. T, when I was pregnant, is that he would also not look like me. I tried to grapple with the idea that I might not ever have a kid that looked like me and that had to be okay.

Thankfully, I don't actually have to deal with that because Mr. T looks a lot like me and it is AMAZING!! I love looking at him and seeing my features on his face. I like seeing pictures where our smiles are the same. I love it when people comment on the fact that he looks a lot like me.

And as with anything involving motherhood, my adoration with my new son looking like me has made me feel guilty. I feel bad that it means something to me that he looks like me. It isn't that I love him more or that I feel more connected to him, because that certainly isn't the case. It just feels different to have someone look like you. Do you know what I mean? Maybe you don't and I am all alone on this subject. Maybe I am just a big egotistical weirdo that gets a kick out of the fact that she has someone that looks like her...in fact as I write this I am really beginning to wonder if any of this will make sense to you all.

So...If your kid looks like you, how do you feel about having a mini you? Do you have an extra sense of pride because of it? If your kid doesn't look like you, how do you feel about this? Do you wish that he did look like you? Does it matter at all?

All this being said, in the end, I know, without a doubt, that both of these adorable kids are mine:

Superman

with his webbed toes and strong desire to make friends where ever he goes.

(just like me)

and

Mr. T

with his bright blue eyes, auburn hair, thin upper lip, invisible eyebrows and desire to babble non-stop when he is happy.

(just like me)

It gets better.

2011-10-24T14:18:00.000-07:00

I think that I am finally over the hump! In the past month I have been doing some hard work so that I could start to feel better. Things aren't perfect, but what is? I can honestly say that my depression is minimal and my anxiety attacks are almost non-existent. In the last week or so that things have started looking a whole lot brighter for me.

Interestingly, it took a really crappy day for me to realize that I was doing better. A whole slew of things went wrong last Friday morning and I really felt quite chaotic and overwhelmed. However, when nap time came around and I began to think about my morning, I realized that I felt chaotic and overwhelmed, not because of my anxiety disorder, but because anyone would feel that way given the string of events that I had that morning (ok, so my ADD didn't help but that is a different story). It was at that point that I realized that I was, in fact, feeling better. Had I not been? I would have never even attempted to continue my morning outside of the home and if I did stick with it, I would have surely had an anxiety attack or two.

I then began looking back over the last week. I realized that I am now able to leave the house with almost no anxiety. I trust myself and do not obsess over whether or not I made the right decision. I do not drive down the road with consistent anxiety about an accident. I feel free!

Sure, I still have an anxiety attack here and there, but it is so much better that I can't help but feel relieved that I made it through the worst parts.

I will go into some specifics about my treatment in another post because I think it could be helpful to some. However, if you are suffering from postpartum depression and/or anxiety, please take away this: It will get better. It may take you less time than me. It may take you more time than me. But if you stick with your treatment plan, you will get better.

Do not give up.
Do not stay silent about your struggles.
Know that you are not alone.
Know that it can look differently for each person, if you don't feel right, seek help.
Thank you.

Where Is Mommy C now? Part 2

2011-09-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

If you didn't see yesterday's post, I suggest starting there. Where Is Mommy C now? Part 1

I was talking with a friend yesterday about my struggles with writing all of this down. Some of my thoughts are pretty scary for me and I worry that I will putting thoughts into other people's heads by writing about it. She reminded me that other people have come forward and talked about their struggles with PPD and PPA and it helped others not feel alone. Isn't that my goal? To share with all of you my struggles so that we don't feel alone? Exactly. She also reminded me that my blog title is "being mom now" and this is where I am right now. I guess I can't really hide from it any more so here we go.

If I had to boil down my anxiety, I would have to say that anything that makes me feel like I am not in control can cause an anxiety attack.

Bridges are full of anxiety for me. I am not worried that I will drive off the bridge, I am worried that someone will hit me and send me off the bridge (=no control). When I am approaching a bridge I begin to think about what might happen, how will I respond, how can I best ensure that we all make it out alive. I am so anxious by the time I reach the bridge that getting across requires me to say to myself (out loud), "just keep driving" and "you can do this" and "no one will hit you" and "just keep driving" over and over and over again. Busy roads, in general, will also do this to me when I am already in a heightened state of anxiety. However, I have an easier time "talking myself down" because getting into a regular car accident doesn't involve figuring out how to get my two small children out of their carseats and to safety, all while underwater. (just writing this has given me heart palpitations)

Being home is another struggle for me, on multiple levels. First is the anxiety that someone will break in and I won't be able to defend myself and protect my children (despite having two large dogs to help protect us). Again, I tend to play these movies in my head of how I will respond, how will I call 911, where I can hid my children so they won't be hurt, thinking about pretending that we are all asleep so they might leave us alone. It is particularly hard for me when I am upstairs and can't hear the doors open.

The second issue with being at home is a much more complicated issue that is can be summed up with, "I am afraid to stay home." I wrote about it yesterday, but what I didn't mention was that I am fighting off anxiety attacks no matter what I choose to do. If I stay home, I am anxious that I should be leaving, that this will become a pattern, that I will never be able to leave my house again. If I am leaving, I am anxious that something will bad happen while we are out or that it will make me too tired to make it through the day or that I am not prepared for all that might happen. Because of this, when I leave the house, I leave with everything (including the kitchen sink). I have more snacks, diapers, wipes, clothes, drinks, and toys than I will need for 3 days out, not just the couple hours we expect to be gone. If for some reason we leave without "enough" of any of these things, I will undoubtedly have an anxiety attack and spend much of the time gone figuring out what we will do if we run out of something we need. (This is a particular difficult thing when it is my husband and I getting ready to leave for somewhere. He usually packs "just enough" or doesn't think certain things are crucial to bring. I disagree and it causes tension. I don't think I have been able to explain how it makes me feel to be "under prepared" till now. I really wish I could be more like him.)

Time makes me anxious. Actually time makes me anxious always. I hate being late. I hate being on time. I want to be early. If I am cutting it close and will only be about 5 minutes early, I will have an anxiety attack. I try and avoid this by being earlier, but then I end up there really early and get frustrated with my need to be early.

I feel like I could go on and on about my worries. Seriously, I feel like I am being held captive by my worry, by my fears, by my anxiety. I hate that it controls me because really I just want to have control over my life. I feel like everyone must think I am a bit insane. I hate it. If I could be rid of this depression and anxiety forever, I would do anything to make it happen. I suppose that is what I am doing right now with the meds, the therapy, and the activities that I do at home. Although I am doubtful they will all just go away any time soon, I do trust that I will get better. I have to believe that I will get better.

Where is Mommy C now? (Part 1)

2011-09-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

Perspective. Can you have perspective on an issue when you are in the middle of it? I have struggled with the answer to this for several weeks. This is why I haven't posted. I kept hoping I would emerge and then I could look back and discuss with all of you how it was. But, sadly, I am still stuck.

Where am I stuck you ask? Somewhere between a fabulously productive mom of two under two and a depressed and anxiety filled woman struggling to keep it all together. I am almost 3 months postpartum and it is clear that this isn't just going to "go away".

I am working on it though. I am seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist, and doing some daily work at home. But these are the details that don't seem right to share right now. What if the work I am doing now doesn't help? What if someone reads this post and thinks this is the right way to go about dealing with depression and anxiety and really I am way off base? (I don't think I am, but I hope you understand my concern.)

So what should I write about then? Do I put on a happy face and write about all the cool things that Superman and Mr. T are doing? Sure, I think this would be good for me. I have almost posted so many things on my Facebook wall, but then think, "This isn't me. This doesn't represent who I am right now." It all just seems fake.

Fake. I am a faker. That saying, "fake it till you make it" seems really appropriate for me right now. The people that I am around most of the time would have no idea that I am suffering if I hadn't told them (and the people I hardly know certainly don't know anything is wrong). I put on a smile and go on with my life. I am productive. I am finding joy in life. I am living. But it takes everything I have to make it through the day.

So maybe the best, most helpful thing to write about would be how I feel right now.

This depression threw me for a loop. I was expecting the postpartum anxiety because I had it postpartum with Superman. I was not expecting to be so exhausted that I wanted to sleep or lie on the couch all the time. I was not expecting to be so short-tempered and impatient that I felt like I was going to lose it if I didn't step away. I began to believe that my toddler was intentionally making my life difficult. That he was getting back at me for leaving him with my mom or sending him to daycare or just not being there for him. It wasn't till I started attaching these very grown-up actions and emotions to him that I realized that maybe something else was going on.

I just want to pause here and say that (believe it or not), my past depression came in handy here. I was able to recognize that my toddler can't have these adult emotions and that I was attaching this emotion to him AND it wasn't real.

As I found myself wanting/needing a lot more sleep than might be expected, I began to worry that if I gave into that sleep, I would start falling into a deeper depression. To be honest, I suppose I still feel this way.

In order to stop myself from "slipping" I forced myself to get out of the house. We had something to do outside of the house every morning. We would go to the grocery store a lot. We had more play dates than we used to. We'd do anything I could think of to avoid spending any extended time at the house. The more I did this though, the bigger the fear became that if I stay home, my world as I know it would crumble away. I would lose it all.

Then one day, about 2 weeks ago, Superman woke up from his nap and we went into the playroom to play while I fed Mr. T. He began playing independently and the next thing I knew it was almost dinner time. We had survived. The next several days were the same. We played at the house and I stopped feeling the strong urge to run from the house as soon as the boys were awake.

Problem solved, right? Nope. Now I hate leaving the house. I just don't have the energy to deal with it all. It is so much work and I am worried that the kids are going to lose it in the middle of the store or that I am going not be able to meet their needs out and about. It all feels too overwhelming. In fact I have needed to get to the store for a week and I keep making up excuses for why I haven't gone. I can't even blame the kids. My in-laws were here this past week and I still only ran part of the errands I needed to run because I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get out the door.

I think a lot of people think depression is all about not stop crying and hopelessness. For many, this may be exactly what it is. But for me, I have moments of clarity where I can see things somewhat logically, almost as if I am looking in on the situation from the outside. Sometimes, I do have enough perspective to see the whole picture. Because of this, I don't feel hopeless most of the time. Sure sometimes I feel like I will never pull myself together and get passed this, but I know that this is not the case. History tells me that this is not the case. (Part of my therapy is about challenging my beliefs by looking at what history tells me. Does history support my fear? Do I have evidence that this will happen?)

As far as the crying goes, well I envy those that can cry. I am so afraid that if I start crying that I might never stop (sure I will stop, I know that I will, but I am still fearful of it). I am afraid that I will be viewed as weak, as incompetent, as unable to take care of my children. I am afraid that I will have to go on stronger meds and not be able to breastfeed. I am afraid that my life as I know it will be taken from me against my will. I am working on reminding myself that I am not anywhere close to having any of these things happen. I tell myself that it is okay to be afraid, but history shows me that these things aren't likely. So I have begun to let the tears sneak out. I figure the more times I cry and then stop crying, the more reinforcement I will have that I will be okay.

In the beginning, as I became more aware of my depression, I was grateful that I had been spared the postpartum anxiety. Unfortunately, aspects of my depression lent themselves to cause my anxiety to reemerge (being afraid of leaving the home and crying as two examples). In part 2 I will talk about the anxiety that I am dealing with.

Note: I hope this helpful to someone. I hope that someone reads this and says, "hey, someone else feels like this too?" and knows that they are not alone. If you know someone that might be suffering, reach out to them, not in judgement, but in love. Help them understand that not only is there a great support system out there for people dealing with depression and anxiety, but it will not last forever. Thank you.

Resources:
Postpartum Support International

Six Things You Should Avoid If You Have Postpartum Depression or Anxiety

Six Stages of Postpartum Depression
(The webpage associated with the last two links seems to have some great articles that are worth reading.)

Memorable Moments

2011-09-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Mr. T is two months old and I am over due on a post about how things are going. So without further ado...

Two month stats:

weight: 13 pounds, 11 ounces (89th percentile)
height: 24.25 inches (89th percentile)

Nursing seems to be going well and he is certainly gaining weight. Every so often we have a tough time, but that usually has to do with my fast let down. I pump once a day and get about 7-9 ounces each morning. When I counted on Friday, I had 83 bags (of 3oz each) of breast milk in my freezer! I have so much that I am going to start giving Superman a sippy cup with about 3oz each day to boost his immunities.

Mr. T is starting to "wake up". He seems to really focus on things now and loves watching the leaves outside or the ceiling fan inside. He has even begun to smile and giggle with increasing frequency. He still doesn't hold onto toys yet, but his hands are slowly opening up more and more.

That being said, he is a great sleeper! A nap routine has started to show itself to us. He takes 3-4 naps each day, with the most consistent ones being around 9am and noonish. I start his bedtime routine around 7pm and is usually asleep by 8pm. My husband wakes him up for a bottle around 11pm and then he doesn't wake up again till about 4am. Then he goes back to sleep (usually quickly) and I wake him up around 7:30am (because of our schedule).

He seems to really enjoy spending time with his brother. They cuddle together after naps and while he is doing tummy time. I can tell they are going to have so much fun together as they get older.

Speaking of tummy time, about 2-3 weeks ago his acid reflux seemed to get worse and every time he was on his tummy, he spit up. He spends a lot of time upright so I hoped that he would be okay without tummy time, but I was still worried about it. Then I was reminded of using a bolster under his chest to lift him up. This takes the pressure off his belly and now he rarely spits up during tummy time.

On August 24, when he was 6.5 weeks old, Mr. T rolled over on his own! We were so shocked that my husband put him back on his tummy to see if he would do it again. Sure enough, he rolled over again! Obviously, because of the spitting up, he didn't have a lot of opportunity to do it again. However, when I was taking his 2 month pictures I put him on his stomach and he did roll over again. He is so strong!

Despite his tracheomalacia and acid reflux, he continues to sleep in his crib without an incline. I am so glad that his medicine is working well enough that we don't have to worry about this.

He likes to sleep on his side in his woombie (a type of swaddle). I put him on his back, but each time I check on him, he has rolled over to one side, pulled his knees up, and is attempting to suck on his fist.

A few things about Superman

He is an amazing big brother. He loves to give Mr. T hugs and kisses. He might wake up cranky from a nap, but all I have to do is ask him if he wants to see T and his mood changes.

He is no longer doing a full day of daycare once a week. He has been dealing with some separation anxiety and not only struggling when we drop him off, but screaming at nap time. Since the child care is in the teacher's home, he was waking other children up. So he goes for a half day and I pick him up after lunch. It seems to be working better, but I do hope that at some point he can go back to full day.

We bought him a balance bike called a Strider bike and he loves it! So far he has gotten really good at walking with the bike and steering. He still doesn't sit on the bike seat, but I think that is normal at first. The only problem so far has been that he wants one of us to walk our bike with him. This has made riding bikes impossible if only one person is home (since someone needs to hold Mr. T or walk with him in the stroller). Most of the time it is my husband that walks with him and I think it is the highlight of S's day.

At some point I will update you all on me, but that is way more than I am ready to write about right now. The only thing that got me to finally update with this was that I was worried I wouldn't remember all of these things when it came to make Mr. T's baby book. I hope you all understand.

What is that noise?

2011-08-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

Mr. T has been a loud breather and nurser pretty much since he was born. I have mentioned here that he also had trouble sucking and wouldn't take a pacifier.   We saw some improvement after the first cranio sacral treatment, but then things changed just before and then after the second treatment. I didn't understand why we were back tracking. He was taking a pacifier easier, but nursing wasn't going well and I was frustrated. He would gag, wheeze, and refuse to nurse. Then, if we did successfully nurse, he would be super fussy afterward and hated laying flat.

I began to notice that he would wheeze and do this weird hiccup thing (not hiccups, but kind of sounds like it) even when he was just laying there or if he was getting upset (regardless of position). I blamed most of the nursing issues on my over-supply of milk and started feeding him only from one breast at a time (versus swapping sides halfway through). However, I had no idea why he was making those other noises. I began to wonder if I just forgot that Superman did this or if this was really something abnormal.

Then I went to Moms Group on Monday.

Another mom announced that they finally figured out why she was having so many nursing issues. Her daughter was diagnosed with tracheomalacia (Some resources/explanations can be found here and here and here). She began to talk about the symptoms and I couldn't believe my ears. Mr. T had those same issues! I asked more questions and our leader told us more about it. I still didn't understand it completely, but I knew enough that made me want to schedule a doctor's appointment for as soon as we could.

The next day I got my confirmation. The pediatrician confirmed that Mr. T appeared to have a "typical" case of tracheomalacia. You cannot get a definitive diagnosis without having a scope done to see what is actually going on. However, our doctor didn't recommend going to the ENT . The doctor didn't want to us to have to put Mr. T under anesthesia if we didn't have to. If things get worse and he stops thriving, we will certainly reconsider.

At any rate, other than keeping him upright and giving us acid reflux medicine, he didn't have a lot of information to tell me. I have been nursing him upright in my sling pretty much exclusively and that definitely has improved things, but my shoulders are beginning to hurt having the sling on (what seems to be) 90% of my awake time.

Today I went to see a lactation consultant in search of a better solution to nursing. She wasn't my usual consultant, but she could see me today (and since Superman is at daycare today, I jumped all over it). She showed me a way to use the Breastfriend to help him sit up while nursing.   We wrap it around both of us and the cushion supports his back (he is "sitting" in my lap, back up against it). It worked well at the office, so I am hoping that it will provide some much needed rest for my shoulders and back.

I am beginning to feel more comfortable with this diagnosis. I am still anxious that it will get worse or that he will get an upper respiratory infection. I worry that we are still missing something and that I am making the wrong decision not to go to the ENT specialist. However, all in all things are getting better. I will be sure to post an update if anything changes.

One Month

2011-08-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know where this past month went, but I do know that there have been days that I thought would never end. Kind of strange to have time move so fast and slow simultaneously.   I guess the good news is that I have survived. I don't think I have done it very gracefully at times and I will tell you that there have been tears, but we all have survived and that is what is important. (insert big smiley face here)

Mr. T is doing great. He is growing a ton and looks more like a 3 month old instead of a one month old. He has the nursing thing down for the most part and he has even nursed in the ring sling while I was pushing Sam in the swing at the park! He had his first cranial-sacral therapy last week for his sucking issues and I credit the treatment for his greater ability to latch without getting frantic first. He is also starting to latch onto our fingers a lot faster. He will have at least 2 more treatments to see if we can get him to latch onto a pacifier without a ton of coaxing. I don't care if he doesn't ever want a pacifier, but I want to make sure he can latch if he wants to do so.   He has also started to take a bottle, which is huge! He doesn't like to drink very much from it, but it is a start. (I really need to be getting more sleep and that means one bottle a day when possible.) Overall a really great first month for our little boy!

Superman is adjusting to being a big brother AND dealing with typical 18 month+ type stuff. While he seems to love his little brother, he has shown that he wants more attention than he was getting before. We have worked on finding special times through the day for just S and I and that seems to help. His tantrums (which usually include hitting or throwing) seem to also be improving, thank goodness!! I am sure that we are no where near the end of them, but at least they are more manageable now.

My husband has been back to work for just over 2 weeks. I had been letting him sleep at night, but now I am waving the white flag and asking for help. The current plan is that I will go to bed after my 9-10pm feeding and then my husband will give Mr. T a bottle at around 11-12. We did this at the end of last week and I was able to get 5-6 hours of sleep, even though he only took about 2 ounces of milk. We had stopped because it seemed like Mr. T didn't want to eat till later, but at this point if it means I get more sleep, we are doing it.

Speaking of me....well, I am doing okay. I am holding out hope that if I get more sleep, I will feel better. I will post more about this later if sleep doesn't "fix" things. Thankfully, I feel pretty good physically. My healing has gone so much easier than it did with Superman. I have been doing some walking, but hope to get back into a routine soon. This should help with my mood too.

If anyone has some great tips on balancing sleep, parenting, and time for yourself, please share! I sleep during naps (when not nursing) and once Mr. T goes to bed I want some time to myself, but feel like I should be going to bed so that I can get more sleep.

I am also looking for good, quick snacks for me. I tend to eat granola bars, goldfish, and cheese when I need something quick. I want something fairly healthy, but is still easy to grab and go. Thanks for the help!

Who needs sleep? (2nd Edition)

2011-08-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

ME!!!! I need sleep!

Way back when Superman was about 3 months old I posted about my struggle to sleep when he stirred in his bassinet, Superman's struggles with sleep thanks to some gas, and how I had started singing "Who Needs Sleep" in order to just survive the day. Well I am singing it once again...

Mr. T is a pretty good sleeper, for a newborn. That isn't my issue. My issue is that my body is screaming at me for more sleep. Like most moms of newborns, I haven't slept for more than 4 hours in several months. When I was pregnant it wasn't so bad because I was just getting up to pee and then heading back to sleep. Now, even though I am only nursing him a couple of times a night, I am up for about 40-60 minutes each time and falling back to sleep isn't as easy. I have also tried sleeping during Superman's nap time, but some days Mr. T's nursing schedule and a short nap just don't allow for that to happen. If I do nap? Most of the time it is just an hour or so.

I am not asking for much. I just want 6 straight hours of sleep. I want to wake up and feel rested. I am not even asking for this every night, just once or twice a week.

So tonight we are going to try out the bottle with Mr. T. With his sucking issues, I have been hesitant to introduce it, but I am desperate so I am crossing my fingers and handing the feeding duties over to my husband tonight. If things go well, he will take over the last feeding before midnight each night and I will get some much needed sleep.

Wish us luck! I am going to bed!

A Day in the Life of Mommy C

2011-07-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

Back when Superman was born I really struggled with the feeling that I was accomplishing nothing during the first few months. I was home full time. Shouldn't I have a perfectly clean house? Shouldn't I have laundry done and dinners made? Why could I not find time to get these things done? What was I doing all day?

As I mentioned this to friends, I surprised to hear that I wasn't the only one that felt this way. I got several tips on how to find time to clean/cook/do laundry (thanks Fly Lady!), but the piece of advice the most unique piece of advice was from a fabulous mom named Karen. Instead of a to-do list that she went through everyday, she had a journal where she wrote down everything she did as she did them. Diaper change? Write it down. Nurse the baby? Write it down. Showered? Write it down. You get the idea.

At the time I didn't really appreciate the advice. I thought it was a neat idea, but really I just wanted to have a clean house again. Now that I am home with a toddler and a newborn the idea of finding time to clean is laughable right now. I barely have time to pee, let alone scrub a toilet or dust the end tables. My husband went back to work today and as I thought about what I wanted to do today, I remembered Karen's advice and this post series was born.

From time to time I am going to post a "Day in the life of Mommy C" where I catalog all the things I accomplished that day. I think it will be interesting to see how the lists shift over time as the boys grow and their needs change. Most importantly, I hope that it reminds me that even when I don't accomplish anything "productive" around the house, I am actually being quite productive.

A Day in the Life of Mommy C

16 diapers changed (5 poopy ones and I only got peed on 1 time)

5 outfits changed

7 cuddle and play sessions with Superman (after nursing Mr. T) including

2 times- playing with the trains with S

1 time- playing with the cars with S

1 time- coloring on the easel with S

10 minutes searching for the missing purple ball

2 loads of laundry started

1 load of laundry folded

1 walk to the playground and then around the neighborhood

13 wipes of S's nose (Go AWAY allergies!)

2 meltdowns by Superman

5 time outs given for throwing and hitting

1 story time and nap for Superman

1 nap taken by me

3 times- letting the dogs out

3 times- yelling at dogs for barking (actually it is more like 15 times but I figured each trip out would count as one)

(approximately) 161 minutes spent nursing (by 7:45pm - still have at least 2 more nursing times left today)

1 trip out to the Washington Square area to pick up pictures and my earrings

1 nursing session done in the car while the toddler watched a video and shared a Jamba Juice with me.

1 drive home while trying to soothe Mr. T

At least 65 hugs given

3 meals served (pizza delivery counts right?)

3 snacks given

5 sippy cups given

2 tummy time sessions with Mr. T

1 Sesame Street episode started to give me a break for a few minutes

1 blog post written

1 Tour de France stage watched

Not bad for my first day alone!

Reclaiming My Body...Eventually

2011-07-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

A little bit of history...
Growing up I was pretty athletic and had a good body. I wasn't thin...I was just right. I remember being really self conscious though and thought that I was so much bigger than all the other girls. What I would give to have that body back!

At some point after moving to California and beginning my teacher career, I began to pack on the pounds. There wasn't one thing that changed that caused me to gain weight...it was a whole bunch put together. I was working a lot of hours just to live paycheck to paycheck. I was living off mac n' cheese and other cheap food. I was depressed and homesick. I quit running and most other exercise. Huh, listing things all out like this it is no wonder I gained weight!

By the time I met my husband I was about 40-50 pounds overweight. We fell in love (obviously) and moved in together. Over time I realized that most of the reasons I packed on the pounds in the first place were history and I decided it was time to shed that weight. I lost all of it in about 9 months and kept it off for some time. Then I left the classroom to be an instructional coach. Between the lack of exercise I got because I had a "desk job" and the stress eating I did because my job situation stunk, I slowly began added 25 pounds back on.

When we moved to Portland 3 years ago we had so much fun exploring the great restaurants and pubs that I joke that we ate are way through Portland. Then I had a miscarriage, fell into a depression, and gained the last 20 pounds plus some that I had lost way back when.

When I got pregnant with Superman I was 210 pounds (yikes- I can't believe I am telling you all this!). I gained about 15 pounds during the pregnancy and thankfully lost that weight almost immediately. Despite the fact that everyone told me that breastfeeding helps you lose weight, I struggled to lose more weight postpartum. In fact it took a LOT of effort to lose 13 pounds before getting pregnant with Mr. T.

Where am I now?
So I started this last pregnancy at 197 pounds. I gained about 13 pounds by the end of the pregnancy. Today, 12 days postpartum I weigh 192 pounds! There was one morning where I weighed 190, but I think that was just a fluke. Besides, I have heard that your weigh can fluctuate for the first 6 weeks postpartum. Anyone else know anything about this? I can't remember from last time.

My Goal
I have a goal weight of about 155-160 even though that is on the high end of my "ideal weight range" for my height. At my lowest weight of 150 pounds I really felt like I was just too thin and don't have any desire to get back to there.

I would like to get to this weight in a year, but I don't think that is realistic because I don't consider my body to be mine yet. As long as I am nursing, that takes the priority. So I am giving myself 18 months. This year I will focus on eating healthily and exercising and see where that gets me. Then adjust and pick up the pace after I am done nursing.

Biggest Hurdle
As I have said, I am nursing and I am assuming that I will struggle to lose weight like I did after giving birth to Superman. I am not willing to jeopardize my milk supply so finding the appropriate amount of calorie intake given my activity level is complicated. I will be going back to Baby Bootcamp as soon as I can and may use the point system from Weight Watchers just to make sure that I am getting in enough calories (because I know points and it makes keeping track of calories a whole lot easier).

So stay tuned. I will update my progress as I go along. It won't be a regular posting, but as I reach milestones (hopefully that is) or encounter struggles, I will be sure to post. For now, if you have any tips on how to lose weight while maintaining your milk supply, please feel free to share!

Adjusting to being a brother...

2011-07-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Are you curious to know how Superman is adjusting to being a big brother? Overall, he is doing great, but there have been a few hiccups...

It seems like a lot of my friends are having their second child right now and a hot topic among us has been "How do you help child #1 adjust to the new baby?" In fact, Evelyn, over at Momsicle, has had two posts that include tips from her friends. We gave S a baby doll a while ago to help prepare him and we had all the baby stuff out a couple weeks before Mr. T arrived so that he got used to it, but really, nothing could have prepared him for his new little brother.

Overall I guess we are lucky because Superman doesn't pay much attention to Mr. T. However, when he does seem interested, S gives him hugs and kisses, tries to feeding him his snacks, lays any stray blanket over his little body, and loves trying to stuff the pacifier into Mr. T's mouth.

The difficulty has come with sharing me. If he and I are playing, he sometimes swats other people away when they come to join us. We have been trying to handle this by being firm, consistent, but loving. He is trying to show us that he is feeling insecure and as his parents, we need to hear him even if we don't like the way he is telling us. We have done time-outs, but only when he continued the behavior after we scolded him (Typically that sounds like, "No hitting, ouch, hitting hurts. Sam wants just Mommy right now, but Daddy wants to play too. Let's let Daddy play too.")

We have had a few meltdowns that have taught us about Superman's needs, including one dinner that was a pure disaster. I will admit that during these meltdowns I have gotten really frustrated too, wishing things could.just.be.easy. But I have learned (maybe that shouldn't be past tense...) that I need to take a deep breath (or ten) and try and see things from S's perspective. While I am working on being patient, I am also taking notes on what S needs from us.

His behavior has told us...

He needs to have time that is just him and I.
He needs to know when things are going to change (ex. I need to stop playing and feeding Mr. T) and be given some warning ahead of time.
He needs his schedule to be consistent and predictable.
He needs extra hugs.
He needs time with both my husband and I. It seems to be less about getting undivided attention from us because he is okay if Mr. T is also involved. I think it is more about him feeling comforted by having his family all together.

Most of these things are really easy to accomplish. Mr. T is pretty content in the swing or bouncer seat so finding time to play with S one on one is simple enough. I love structure and having a schedule makes me just as happy as it makes S. We are still tweaking the old schedule to meet our new needs, but we have managed to have very little change for S. He needs hugs? I am an endless supply of cuddles and hugs. Finding time with my husband and I is super easy right now because my husband is home for the rest of the week. Once he goes back to work we will have to make sure he gets plenty of time with Daddy before bedtime.

The one area that seems to be the most difficult is supporting him with adjusting to a change in activities. My psychiatrist (and then several friends) mentioned having a box of toys just for when I am nursing Mr. T. That made me think that I could use the box to help transition from one activity to another, but still wanted to be able to give him some sort of visual heads up when possible. So I have gotten him a toddler timer that has the red, yellow, and green lights. I haven't used it yet...mostly because I have to figure out how to work it first, but I will be sure to report back and let you know if it is successful.

We are still finding our way as the parents of two boys, but I think we have a good start. I am sure there will be more bumps in the road and I will let you know what they are and how we deal with them along the way.

It Takes Two...

2011-07-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

I thought breastfeeding was going to be so easy from the beginning this time around. I mean, I am now an expert right? Okay, maybe that is a stretch, but I did feel like I knew what I was doing so things should go really well. What I didn't think about was the fact that breastfeeding takes two people. I may know what I am doing, but Mr. T is brand new at this!

When I first fed Mr. T after his birth, things went really well. He seemed to latch fine and nurse for some time. It was the following feedings that we learned that things weren't going to be as easy as I had hoped...at least in the beginning.

The latch...
Mr. T has a strong gag reflex and, for whatever reason, also struggled to actually latch on. This was also a problem when we tried to get him to suck on a pacifier or someone's finger. He would open his mouth wide, but just wouldn't close it and begin to suck. He would get frantic and it would take several attempts (with some calming down in between) before he would settle down and latch. Because I was so thrilled that he was finally latched on, I allowed him to have a poor latch and my nipples were killing me. The lactation consultant at the hospital had me start using a nipple shield which initially seemed to not only save my nipples, but helped Mr. T with how quickly he would latch.

My milk began to come in on Monday evening and was fully in by Tuesday. At this time, Mr. T started having issues AGAIN with the latch. At one point I ditched the nipple shield out of frustration and he latched almost immediately! We have been nipple shield free since then and he no longer struggles to latch!

Interestingly, he still is not a fan of the pacifier. After a little bit of struggling, he will take a finger or the pacifier from my mom or my husband (occasionally), but I think he is a smart little boy that knows that I am the one with the milk and he would prefer that. LOL

Timing...
When I nursed S I felt like I was a slave to the paper where I recorded all his feedings (and then eventually the app on my phone). No one was making me record it, but since we struggled with my supply in the beginning, I wanted to make sure he was getting enough.

This time around I still used the recording paper and I have now switched the app on my phone, but I am much more relaxed about it all. I know he is getting enough milk and knowing that has lead to a confidence in our nursing relationship.

At one week old he currently nurses about every 2.5-3 hours during the day (with some mini-snacks occasionally throughout the day) and every 3.5-4 hours at night. I am going to go weigh him on Monday and I am hoping to see that he is up to his birth weight again so we can let him sleep at night. He usually wakes just before the 4 hours mark for the first early morning feeding (like 1-2am), but I have been waking him up for the later morning feeding (5-6am). It would be lovely to let him (and me) sleep!

My supply...
I had heard that your milk comes in sooner and in greater quantity with your second child and it is surely true for me. My milk came in 3 days earlier than with Superman and it seems like there is a great supply for Mr. T. I started pumping after the wake-up feeding this morning. I didn't get much, but I think that was true in the beginning with S as well. So we will give it a few days and see if I end up pumping enough for one feeding a day. If not, I will be adding a pumping session.

Overall breastfeeding is going superb! He seems to really have gotten the hang of it and I am beginning to learn his hunger cues (before he starts crying). I feel so lucky to have things going so well!

One week!

2011-07-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

We survived the first week! Mr. T was born one week ago and I would say all things considered, the week went really well. Sure there were bumps in the road, but when you have an 18 month old and a newborn how can there not be bumps in the road?

During much of Superman's first year I did (not so much) weekly posts recording my favorite moments and the latest milestones reached. These posts made completing his baby books (Yes, I said books. There are 4. I used Picaboo and incorporated A LOT of pictures, therefore requiring multiple books.) so much easier. In fact, I don't think I would have been able to include so many details had I not had the posts. So, I am going to attempt to continue these posts for Mr. T. Will they be weekly? Not likely, but I am going to try.

I began to write a post for this week, only to realize that I have way too much to say for one post. Why am I surprised? Our lives have completely changed in the last week!

So a quick real quick overview of our week and then I will post the other stuff in a new post later.

Mr. T and I were at the hospital Saturday and Sunday, arriving home Sunday evening after Superman had gone to bed (to limit the disruption with dinner and bedtime). When we brought Superman home after he was born, the first night was so awful because nursing was not going well at all. Because of this, both my husband and I were both worried that the same would be true with Mr. T. Thankfully, despite some latch issues that I will discuss in another post, Mr. T had a good night with us waking him up every 3 hours to eat.

The week included a whole lot of "finding our new normal". Adjusting to breastfeeding a little person around the clock again, having two little boys needing my attention, my husband and I figuring out how to adjust "our roles" to fit in Mr. T and so that everything still gets done are just a few things that we need to get used to.

I have to say that getting Superman used to having a brother has been my biggest focus so one of the follow-up posts will be all about that. I also thought I would share a little about how breastfeeding is going. Finally, not related to Superman or Mr. T really, but I will also have a quick post about my weight loss goals.

So look for the posts over the next day and if there is anything else you are curious about, please feel free to let me know!

Mr. T's Birth Story

2011-07-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

Friday morning- last official belly shot

Let me start by saying that despite the way this labor started, I would not change a single thing about the delivery of Mr. T. It was amazing!! Here is the story.........

I never thought I would be pregnant all the way to my due date and frankly, neither did my midwives. The last two weeks I had several appointments and each time I was told, "any day now". As a person with anxiety, this was not a good thing to tell me. Despite my desire to let things happen as they are meant to, the wondering of "when will the time be" was just too much for my anxiety. This lead us to make the decision to have an induction if I was still pregnant on Friday, July 8th.

In an attempt to not make it to Friday we did everything we could think of to get things started. The midwife stripped my membranes, I took castor oil, and I walked and walked and walked. I don't recommend the castor oil. It was so uncomfortable and didn't cause me to have a single contraction. Another induction method I tried was acupuncture.

According to my acupuncturist, it takes any where from 1 to 4 treatments to put a woman in labor (with the caveat that you have already started to dilate and efface). Since we decided to start this on Wednesday, the most we were going to get was 3 treatments. The first treatment caused some mild contractions/cramping afterward. The second caused some strong contractions during and after the treatment, but stalled a couple hours later. The final treatment only gave me the mild contractions/cramping afterward. Even though it didn't put me into labor, I am convinced that it helped prepare my body for labor and I would highly recommend it.

Stylin' in the hospital gown

The actual induction was supposed to take place at 9:30 in the morning. Unfortunately, a whole lot of babies decided that the 8th was a great day to be born and we were told that our induction was delayed until at least the afternoon. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointing this was for us. We all headed home (because I was at acupuncture and heading to the hospital when we found out) with our heads hanging low. I couldn't even talk about it. I sat on the couch and moped.

Thankfully, we got the phone call around 2:30pm stating that they were ready for us!! We got to the hospital a little after 3pm and after some waiting around, got settled into our labor and delivery room. Both the nurse and the midwife came in, talked with us about the induction plan, and we got things started about 5:15pm (pitocin started). When we began I was 3cm (could stretch to a 4cm), 70% effaced, and the baby was at -2 station.

I really wanted to make sure things went quickly so as soon as I could, I began walking. It took a little bit for the contractions to get going. At first it was just constant cramping (and didn't register on the monitor), but slowly they changed and began to come and go and form into "real contractions".

At about 8:30pm they decided to break my water. My stats hadn't changed much, but I was dilated to 5cm and having contractions that were under 3 minutes apart.

I did not expect what happened next. I thought I would have to continue walking in order for things to progress so as soon as I got cleaned up, I headed for the hall. I had several contractions before I actually got there and they definitely were getting stronger. However, I only made it 2 doors down before they really came on strong and seemed like they were on top of each other. I had to stop moving at each contraction and just try and focus on breathing. I asked if I could get into the tub at this point, but sadly it wasn't available. Even though I was disappointed, it was a good thing because things moved pretty quickly from here.

I honestly lost track of time at this point (as did my husband). The contractions were right on top of each other and all I could focus on was surviving each one. My husband was reminding me to breath and my midwife positioned herself behind me and put pressure on my hips (in and downward). I was fascinated how much the hip pressure relieved the pain of each contraction...of course that only worked for so long. Eventually nothing seemed to make it better and I was BEGGING for an epidural.

When the anesthesiologist got there, I had no idea how I was going to sit still while she put it in. I could barely keep myself standing during each contraction, I couldn't imagine having to sit (because I had so much low pressure, sitting was really uncomfortable) and having to be still while I sat there. Somehow I did it though and life got a lot easier (the did turn off the pitocin during at this time so that helped make the contractions a lot less painful).

At this point it was about 10pm and the midwife decided to check me and see how I was doing. The smile that came across her face was priceless. I had made it, without the epidural, all the way to 8cm dilated, almost fully effaced and 0 station. Making it as long as I could without the epidural was a huge goal of mine and I was thrilled that I made it that far. The midwife needed to deliver another baby so we settled in for a short nap while I continued to progress closer to "pushing time".

The epidural made me feel really woozy. My nose felt funny and I couldn't keep my eyes open without getting dizzy. I mentioned something to the nurse, but she was weary about reducing it too soon. After a little while longer I decided that I couldn't deal with the strength any longer and it was interfering with my ability to rest and causing some anxiety. They gave me some oxygen at this point to help calm me down, which helped a lot. When the anesthesiologist returned (around 11pm) she discovered that it really was too high for me. I had no temperature sensitivity all the way up to my breasts! She backed it down (from a 14 to a 6?) and we began to wait for me to regain some feeling.

The midwife took this opportunity to have my nurse check me again. I think the nurse's exact words were, "if he was any lower, he would be crowning". We still wanted to wait till I could feel some more (and for the midwife to get done with the other birth) so we continued the waiting game.

The midwife returned to our room about 11:45pm and I began to push at 12:07am on July 9th. Pushing was a completely different experience this time around. There was no pressure to push for "x" amount of time. There was no counting, no pressure to keep pushing, no shouting (or loud encouragement that I perceived as shouting). It was just my midwife, the nurse and my husband encouraging me to push during each contraction in a relaxed and calm way. I stopped when I couldn't push any more and as I took my breath, the midwife told me whether or not I should push again.

Although I couldn't feel the contractions, I could feel the pressure (it was mostly on my left) and the midwife massaging the perineum. After a few contractions I really felt a lot of pressure on the left. She told me the baby was crowning and she guided my hand so I could feel his head. I pushed through a couple more contractions and I felt a little pop as his head came out. The midwife confirmed that his head was out and that I could push even though I wasn't having a contraction. I think I only pushed a couple more times and the next thing I knew the midwife was telling me to grab my son. It didn't quite register at first...what was she asking of me? But then I reached down, someone helped me grab him and then I pulled him up onto my stomach....I had just delivered my own son!

As I had him on my belly the nurse cleaned him up and helped me take off the gown so we could be skin to skin. There was no rush to take him away (not that I thought there would be) and they waited for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing before having my husband cut it. It was amazing!

When it was finally time to weigh and measure Mr. T we were all shocked to learn that this little bundle of joy (that delivered way easier than his brother) weighed almost 2 pounds more than his brother did and only was 1/4 inch taller. I have no idea where he is hiding the weight. I speculate that it is in his hands and feet...they are gigantic! He doesn't seem chunky at all, but barely fits into the newborn diaper and newborn pants are almost too short. Wherever he is hiding it, he is just plain adorable and we love him!!

So there you go...the official birth story. What do you think??

Anxiety, Depression, and Me

2011-07-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

Throughout this pregnancy (and frankly the life of this blog) I haven't really gone into much detail about my "mental health issues". The good news is that I haven't shared much because there hasn't been a ton to share. Over the last year (plus some) I have shared with you how I am feeling in general, but I have been hesitant to share much more. I feel like I am in a place now where I am not only able to share this with you, I feel as though it is important for me to share it.

I have a diagnosis of depression and general anxiety disorder (as well as ADD, but that is another story for another day). When I am not pregnant or nursing, my medications for the depression and ADD do a good job treating those issues and holding off my anxiety. However, when it has creeped back into my life, I have added a medication for that as well.

I think my symptoms for depression and anxiety seem pretty standard. When I am depressed I tend to eat more, do less outside the home, and begin to close myself off to the rest of the world. Internally I beat myself up for every little flaw that I see myself as having and see that there is no way that I will ever live up to the person I think I should be. I am very concerned about pleasing other people and when I am depressed I struggle to see how I will ever be "okay" enough for those around me. This is what usually leads to the anxiety...the fear of losing everything around me. I not only worry about the every day type of details in my life, but I begin to have panic attacks that are obsessive and completely irrational. The worst symptom I have during an anxiety attack is that I have a hard time breathing. This always makes things worse because I begin to beat myself up for having the attack in the first place and I get mad that I can't control my emotions. I try and relax and sometimes just focusing on the attack itself makes things worse. Many times I need to distract myself from what I am obsessing about until I have calmed down, then I go back and deal with why I was so anxious.

So what do I do about this all? Well, I am under the care of a psychiatrist, whom I see regularly, that specializes in pregnancy and postpartum care. I was seeing a therapist regularly as well, but she did such a great job building up my skill set for dealing with my "issues" that I have not seen her since the early part of this pregnancy. She is available if (when?) I need her.

I mention this because when it came time for us to think about having children, I was terrified that my depression and anxiety would get worse. It was suggested to me by a previous psychiatrist that when it came time for me to get pregnant, it would be wise for me to set up a "team" of support personal. This not only included a psychiatrist and therapist, but an OB/midwife that was keenly aware of how my sudden change in hormones may impact depression and anxiety. My team also included my husband and mother, obviously since they were going to be the ones with me postpartum.   I suppose you can also say that part of my "team" also includes medication. This is a very personal decision and one that each person needs to make based on the information provided to them. I am very confident and comfortable with my decision (so please don't judge).

When I got pregnant with Superman we were all pleasantly surprised to find out that pregnancy hormones agreed with me. In fact, towards the end of the pregnancy (even though it was in the middle of winter), I suffered from no noticeable Season Affective Disorder symptoms for the first time in many, many years. I was able to continue the same minimum dosage for my medication throughout the pregnancy and postpartum.    This is especially impressive considering many women need to increase their medications at the end of the pregnancy to maintain the same effects.

We were also pleased to learn that my body adjusted nicely postpartum and I suffered from minimal signs (if any) of depression or baby blues. HOWEVER, around the time my husband went back to work and we had no family visiting, I began to have anxiety attacks. I had them sitting upstairs nursing S, worried that someone was going to break into the home. I had them driving, worried that someone was going to crash into us. I had them crossing bridges, worried that we would somehow end up going over the edge. I imagine many of you had similar concerns when you became a new mother, wanting to protect your child. In fact, it is very common for women to have these worries. What is not common or "normal" is what you do with these worries and that is what separates me from most women.

If you avoid an activity (like going to the store) because of the fear and anxiety of what might happen, that is not a "normal" response. If you obsess over your worries to the point that you can't think about anything else (or take one of the above worries and have to play them out in your mind so that you are sure you know what you will do just in case it happens, but then realize that nothing you can do will make it okay and you begin to freak out a little more because of this), that is not a "normal" response. If you are having anxiety (or panic) attacks, this is not a "normal" response.   This is where I was with my anxiety and I was grateful that I had my "team" in place so that we could take care of it and within a few weeks, I began to have very few anxiety attacks. The treatment for Postpartum Anxiety (PPA) is different for each patient, just as the treatment for Postpartum Depression (PPD) is different for each person. I believe that because I had my team of people in place and because of my history with anxiety and working through it (both with therapy and medication), I had an easier time "fixing" it. By no means was it a walk in the park, but it could have been worse.

When it was time to get pregnant again I had no concerns about my depression and anxiety. I felt like I knew how my body adjusted to the hormone levels and was sure that things would be similar the second time around...and for the most part things were the same, up until a few months ago.

I began to have anxiety attacks similar to the ones that I had postpartum with Superman around the time of the earthquakes in Japan. I was worried about an earthquake here. I was worried about radiation levels and what would happen if they increased here. I began to have anxiety attacks. Thanks to my wonderful husband and the strategies that I have learned, I was able to work through most of it. I had scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist and was pretty much attack free when I saw her and thankfully, I did well... for awhile.

Then June hit and the attacks came back. Although I felt comfortable with most things related to the birth of my second child, I was frantic about solidifying a plan for Superman. I became obsessed with all the different options for childcare for him and what each situation would look like depending on when I went into labor. I had few actual anxiety attacks, but I recognized my frantic behavior and knew that I needed to deal with it. Although not a perfect response to the actual anxiety issue, I found the fastest solution was actually coming up with a solid plan. Sure enough, once things fell into place the anxiety was much better.

Then I wrote this in the middle of last week early in the morning:
Now here I am, basically 39 weeks pregnant and at 3:40 am I am awake because I am having an anxiety attack...a big one. One so big that I can't seem to control my breathing and my relaxation strategies seem to just make things worse. There has been so much talk about when I will go into labor that I have become anxious that it won't be soon. I went into labor at 39 weeks with Superman and the midwife said it could be any day now. But what if it isn't soon? What if I am still pregnant in a week? How will I handle that? I am handling that idea really, really poorly right now. I don't want to think about being pregnant another week. I don't want to think about all the people that are SURE that I will deliver this weekend. I don't want to think about the fact that I feel like I am somehow letting them down if I don't deliver this weekend.

The problem is that not thinking about these things is what got me into this position in the first place. I wouldn't be awake, unable to breath, unable to relax, unable to sleep if I would just deal with it. If I just let myself mourn this possibility now, I could move forward. But my body isn't letting me. It is trying to protect me from feeling these emotions.

Really, that is the heart of it all. In my attempt to not feel certain emotions, my anxiety comes back and makes me miserable. If I could just learn to face the emotions, I might just avoid all of this in the first place. During my everyday life, I do a good job with this. I face what I need to face and move forward. I think the main difference right now is how this birth is so public. Everyone knows that I am pregnant. Everyone knows that I am close to delivery, feeling "done' and had the midwife tell me that I am close to the end.

I suppose that is the big downfall with sharing all these details with all of you. But really, I know in the end that I am happier to have done so. Sharing these details helped me connect with many of you in a new way. I suppose that is why I was ready to share this personal struggle with all of you as well...in the hopes that it will allow for me to connect with even more of you. To give you the opportunity to learn that you aren't alone if you deal with anxiety or depression.

So where do I go from here? Well last week I upped my medication level and since then my anxiety attacks are non-existent. I am still struggling with the obsessive thinking. Every time I go to the bathroom, sit down, or get down on the floor with S I wonder if this will be what causes my water to break (With S, my water broke when I sat down). In an attempt to get rid of those thoughts, I began to try and think about all the people I have read about that either didn't have their water break initially or had it break when they were just sitting there going about their business or even sleeping in their bed. Instead of that working, it just meant that almost every action is now connected to a quick thought by me about whether this is the time it will break or the time my contractions will start. Not healthy, not healthy, not healthy.

I have a psychiatrist's appointment early next week and I am also going to be scheduling a therapy session as well. I know that I need to deal with the issues, but I just don't feel like I can take that on as well this week. And honestly? I am really hoping that much of it goes away when I have the baby. I know that isn't likely and that is why I am making these appointments, but one can hope right?

So there you go.

Me...wide open and honest about my mental health issues. Take it, leave it, share it. Do what you want with it. I just hope that someone, who is going through the same thing, feels a little less lonely knowing that there is someone else that "gets it".

Baby #2: Week 39 and 4 days (an update)

2011-07-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

I think the midwife appointment this morning went well. I am still dilated to 3 (can stretch to a 4) and everything seems "ready to go".

We talked for a while about where I am physically and mentally. The midwife I saw today has been doing this for 27 years. She said that she gave up predicting when babies will come a long time ago, but could see why the other midwives thought it would be soon based on my dilation, effacement, and how soft the cervix is at this point. Even though he is engaged in the pelvis, he is still higher but she said with second pregnancies this is really normal.

As far as the mental stuff...well once again I am reminded that I made the right decision by switching to a midwife. Her patience with me was really reassuring. I didn't feel rushed and she had a way of making me feel at ease with all the decisions we made by the end of the appointment. My anxiety and obsessive thinking has really taken over (yes, I will eventually post the entry about all of that) and she seemed to understand that right now talking through it, telling me to get over it, or to stop thinking about when labor will happen wasn't going to make things change for me, that a lot of this is chemical and will be dealt with when I meet with my psychiatrist.

Based on this conversation, she initially suggested an induction (apparently depression and anxiety disorders that are causing problems with pregnant mothers are frequently the medical reason for inducing at the end of a pregnancy in order to avoid making things worse postpartum). She thinks that I will need very little Pitocin to get things started and then hopefully we would be able to stop the Pitocin and let things go naturally. She wasn't even sure that they would have to break my water because I am so close to that point naturally.

I asked her about stripping the membranes as a first step and she agreed that it would be the least intrusive way to encourage things along (and isn't considered an induction). So we decided to have her strip the membranes today. She also suggested some castor oil and an enema...although I can't say that I am too excited about that idea. At any rate, if the stripping doesn't work, we are working on setting an induction date for Friday.

It is nice to finally have an end date. I am hoping that the stripping of membranes work, but if not that will be okay too. We have a plan now and I always feel better when there is a plan.

I appreciate all the support that I have been getting here and on Facebook. It means a lot to me to know that there are so many amazing women cheering me on.

Baby #2: Week 39

2011-07-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

July 2, 2011

How far along: 39 weeks

Baby's size: Watermelon (Month 9: weeks 37-Delivery)

Symptoms (otherwise known as Mommy C's Weekly Complaints):

The same old symptoms. You don't need me to list them once again.

Total Weight Gain:
Gained another pound.
Total weight gain= +12 pounds

Maternity clothes:yes

Best moment this week: My mom got here!

Movement: Yup. He moves from lying on his side to having his back facing out.

Food cravings: Not a whole lot. I alternate between being really hungry all the time (and eating whatever I can find) to being so nauseous that I don't want to eat anything.

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs:
Lots of normal signs that signal that it might be sometime soon, but soon could be any day or a week from now. I have lots of cramping and some contractions. Yesterday when I saw the midwife she said I was still at about 3 cm dilated, but now 80% effaced. She saw some bloody show as well. When will I go into labor? I have no effin' clue.

What I miss: Being not pregnant. I know, I know. I will miss being pregnant soon after my son is born, but frankly right now I am just done.

What I'm looking forward to: Delivering this baby!

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): not a wise women, just done being a pregnant woman.

Milestones: My mom made it here!

Emotions:I have a post written about all of this, just haven't posted it yet. Stay tuned.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: DONE (even though I miss it!!)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: DONE
Total exercise time: done

Here's to hoping that next week I don't have a pregnancy post!

Baby #2: Week 38

2011-06-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

June 25, 2011

How far along: 38 weeks

Baby's size: Watermelon (Month 9: weeks 37-Delivery)

Symptoms (otherwise known as Mommy C's Weekly Complaints):

A LOT of low pressure
Baby #2s position is pushing on a nerve causing sharp, shooting pains in my upper thigh/groin (not sciatica- more in the front) when I am walking (not all the time thank goodness!)
Sore hips -although the foam pad seems to be helping a lot.
Fewer braxton hicks and cramping this week compared to last, but I have had a few painful contractions as well (just enough for me to think, "could this be it?" and then they stop).
General uncomfortableness

Total Weight Gain:
Total weight gain= +11 pounds

Maternity clothes:yes

Best moment this week: I learned that there was an actual change happening with my cervix.   This made me grateful that I didn't go through all that pain last week for nothing.

Movement: Yes, on Thursday I swear he was doing gymnastics in my uterus. Then on Friday I had a bit of a scare when I hadn't felt him all morning and when I laid down to try and do kick counts I only got a couple in an hour. I called the midwife to find out if I should be expecting decreased movement as I approach the end of the pregnancy and she informed me that I should still be getting 10 kicks in 2 hours. So I drank some juice and stopped trying to multi-task and sure enough, in the second hour he woke up and started moving.

Food cravings: Fruit - so glad that strawberries are in season!

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs:
This past week was so much calmer than the week before. I decreased my activity a ton thanks to my husband and sending Superman to daycare on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday mornings (in addition to his full day on Monday).

However, on Monday the midwife said I was 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Then on Tuesday I lost the rest of my mucus plug (I had been losing smaller amounts of it the week prior. Sorry if this is TMI.). I have also had a few contractions that were actually painful, but they never became regular or continued for very long.

I am torn on whether or not to have the midwife check me on Monday. I am grateful that this little guy has decided to stay in a little longer and I am not sure I want to stir things up. So we shall see...

What I miss: Being able to go about my normal routine. I also really miss going to Boot Camp.

What I'm looking forward to: Tuesday when my mom gets here!!!!

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): Listen to your body.

Milestones: Made it another week! I am shooting for July 2nd now because we think it would be cool for Superman and Baby #2 to be exactly 18 months apart.

Emotions: I am going to write a full post regarding the change in my emotions this week. However, I will share that I have been much more quick to tears...I almost starting crying today when my husband went and got cash so I could have a lemonade at the Farmer's Market this morning. I think I have said, "stupid hormones" to more people than I can count this week as an explanation for the tears.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: OFFICIALLY DONE (even though I miss it!!)

Pregnancy Water Aerobics: Monday (1 hour each) -I am not sure if I am done with this or not. I could only do about 15 minutes of the actual workout before the braxton hicks started up again. I spent the remainder of the class floating and enjoying weightlessness. I imagine if I go, I will likely just go to float.

Total exercise time: not enough to really count.

Till next week!

An Update to "How Can It Be June?"

2011-06-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

Way back on June 1 I wrote a post about how the first day of June signified how close we were to Baby #2's arrival and how anxious that made me feel. People, I was more than just a little anxious...I was down right having panic attacks and crying at the simplest thing. Not good.

Thankfully, between your encouragement, a sisterly heart to heart, my husband's patience, and my organizational skills, I am in a MUCH better place today. Don't worry it didn't take me 24 days to get here, just took 24 days to sit down and write a post about it.

I want you all to know that your encouragement did mean a lot to me. Every time someone comments on one of my posts, sends me a private message, or comments on my Facebook page I feel more grounded. These simple acts have made me feel less alone on this journey. Thank you.

As you can imagine, having a sister that is 6 years older than you has its positives and negatives. My sister has always been there to tell me how she feels about my various life decisions and in general she usually is right...which is highly annoying. Over the years she has gotten better at the delivery of her insight (and advice) and I have gotten better at receiving it.

When she called me after reading the post on June 1st she was careful with her words, but encouraged me to think about what would happen if my to-do list didn't get done. The idea of thinking about that isn't new to me (thanks years of therapy) and although I knew it was a good idea, it was scary to me. I felt like I was comfortable with my lack of control over the birth of this child, but not having control over what happens to Superman during this time was pure anxiety.

So what if I didn't get Superman's food preferences/routines/etc written down? Would whomever was taking care of him figure it out? Of course they would.

Would Superman be scared for life because his schedule was completely thrown out the window? I doubt it.

If I go into labor and my husband's aunt can't get here to take care of him, would I not be able to find anyone that could help? Well......this one was the hardest to get passed. Turns out though, I have some pretty awesome friends that have offered to help if I need it. I hate the idea of imposing on them...especially because I feel like I can't repay them. But you know what, if that is my worst case scenario I am doing pretty good, right?

So I was slowly able to move forward, out of my shadow of anxiety and into the light of (some amount of) calmness. I created a to-do list and slowly began to work on the items on the list. Ever so often I would get overwhelmed with one task or another, but my husband was there to help me work through it. And today, a day before I am officially 38 weeks pregnant, that list is basically complete. I still need to install the car seat, I would like to find a used glider since we still use the glider that is in Superman's room, and my mom still needs to get here (I added this as a joke because of my slightly superstitious nature. I think that if I cross off all my to-do items, there is a greater chance I will go into labor. Since I want my mom here, having her arrive as one of my "to-dos" satisfies that superstition. Silliness.).

So I am feeling pretty relaxed about things. I have been taking more time to myself so that I can rest, my contractions have stopped for the most part so this little guy seems pretty content to stay put for a little while longer, and life is good. Don't you think?

Yeah, that doesn't mean a thing...

2011-06-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

My sister and I were talking today about how nothing seems to mean anything when you are at the end of your pregnancy.

You feel like a bowling ball is between your legs because your baby is so low? Yeah, doesn't mean he is coming soon.

You feel great (no baby in the ribs, between your legs or squashing any organs) and the baby bump is just a mere accessory at your 39th week? Yeah, that doesn't mean anything either. He could come tomorrow.

Your baby is 7 pounds according to the latest ultrasound? Doesn't mean he will be a 10 pound baby by the time he arrives since the ultrasound isn't all that accurate.

You are having a lot of cramping and braxton hicks? Doesn't mean squat. (neither does not having cramping or braxton hicks, in case you are curious)

You are dilated to 3 cm and 50% effaced? Don't sweat it. It could still be weeks before that little guy is born OR it could be that he is coming tomorrow.

How can we know so much about pregnancy at this point and not have any of these symptoms mean anything about timing of your delivery? My sister, clearly the more brilliant sister in our family, has decided that if she ever gets a one on one with God she is going to make a few suggestions.

First, at the moment of conception your large toenail will change color...preferably a color that would indicate the sex of the child(ren). The toenail would stay that color throughout the pregnancy, unless of course there was something wrong and then it would change to a new color so that you could seek medical attention. Finally, about 24 hours before the baby will be born, the toenail will change to a new color to indicate that delivery is imminent so that you can get your final plans in order.

Personally, as I play the "when will he come?" game, all of this sounds fabulous! What do you think?

Baby #2: Week 37

2011-06-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

June 18, 2011

How far along: 37 weeks

Baby's size: Watermelon (Month 9: weeks 37-Delivery)

Symptoms (otherwise known as Mommy C's Weekly Complaints):
This was a tough week. In fact on Thursday there was a part of me that thought I wasn't going to make it to this weekend still pregnant.

A LOT of low pressure
Sore hips - I finally bought a foam pad that is big enough for my side of the bed. This allows me to sleep on my side with slightly less hip pain....just wish it was more than slightly less.
Cramping and Braxton hicks
General uncomfortableness

Total Weight Gain:
Total weight gain= +11 pounds

Maternity clothes:yes

Best moment this week: We had an ultrasound on Monday and got to see our boy again (and actually confirm that he is still a boy). They estimated his current weight at 7 pounds 1 ounce which had me worried at first. Then I looked back at the ultrasound we had with Superman at the same point. They estimated his weight at the time to be 7 pounds 2 ounces and he was born 2 weeks later at 7 pounds 14 ounces.

Movement: Yes, less kicks though and more full body movements.

Food cravings: Watermelon! I think it is funny that the baby is as big as a watermelon and that is what I am craving. :)

Gender: Still a... BOY!!!

Labor signs: Um, Yes?
(Rather than just list how I have been feeling, I am going to write it out. These are the things that I think I will forget in the years to come (since I have already forgotten what it was like with S) and I would like to have record of it.)
     Tuesday night I began to have trouble walking without having a ton of low pressure. I also began to get really emotional over everything. Wednesday I woke up with some mild cramping (like period cramps), but it went away shortly after waking up. I tried to go to boot camp, but between the low pressure, my emotions, and eventual contractions, I left in tears. I was fine, just needed some rest. Wednesday night, thanks to Isabelle's suggestion on the Facebook wall, I went to water aerobics and I felt really good while doing them. It is nice to feel weightless when you have so much pressure the rest of the day.
     Thursday I woke up again with the mild cramping, but they didn't go away. I called the midwife after 2 hours and spoke to the nurse. We ruled out any infection that might cause the cramps. I explained that I was also having really low pressure and feeling like I had to go #2 all the time (sorry TMI) even though I didn't. I got the feeling from her that she thought maybe I was in early labor, but wasn't ready to tell me that. She told me I could call back and make an appointment to be checked out if I felt worse later. The cramps basically stayed with me all day, although I noticed them less if I was distracted so I tried to stay distracted. Unfortunately, that backfired on me and made them worse later. So I laid low the rest of the day and decided if I still had the cramps in the morning, I would go to the doctor.
     Friday I woke up and the cramps were gone. I brought S to an indoor playground/cafe in town and we played for about an hour, but then the cramps came back. So we went home and I rested while S napped. It was such a nice day out, but the warmth was just too much for me in the afternoon. I felt nauseous and cramping. So instead of playing outside all afternoon like I had planned, S and I hid out inside. I felt awful that I couldn't bring him outside, but I knew that I would only be worse off if we went out. Eventually I decided that my cramps and nausea were too much so I filled our giant tub in the master bathroom and S and I took a bath together. It was wonderful! He got to play and have a great time and it really helped me feel better.
     Yesterday was my wedding anniversary so my husband and I went out to dinner dessert. Sitting upright appears to be difficult for me and a trigger for the cramping and contractions. We made due though and had a great night. Unfortunately, I woke up around 2 am last night with more cramps, contractions, and nausea. It is frustrating for me that just the act of going out to dinner and dessert was too much for my body to handle.
     I am now dealing with the guilt of what this means for Superman and the week ahead. My husband tries to remind me that I stopped working at 37 weeks with S and so I shouldn't feel bad, but I had been feeling so good for so long that I really had hoped that I would stay that way till my water broke. I guess I was being a bit naive.

What I miss: Feeling like I can do anything. I will probably sound like a broken record here, but I really thought I was going to feel good till the end this time around.

What I'm looking forward to: Next Tuesday when my mom gets here.

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): That our bodies have a way of telling us when to slow down and when you don't listen, it just speaks louder to you.

Milestones: Made it to full term!

Emotions: I am so emotional! I am currently blaming it on hormones and the fact that I feel so lousy. I want to be excited that I am going to meet this little guy soon, but am worried that he will come sooner than he should. I know that he is technically full term now, but I have to believe that another week or two will be better for him...even if it is a struggle for me.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: Tuesday (1 hour 15 minutes) and about 20 minutes on Wednesday----OFFICIALLY DONE
I have put my boot camp membership on hold and will not try to work out again till 6 weeks postpartum.

Pregnancy Water Aerobics: Wednesday (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: 2 hour 35 minutes--For this week the only "exercise" I am doing is going to water aerobics and then I am still going to be cautious about how much I do....then next week I may reconsider once my mom gets to town. :)

Till next week!

The More You Know...L&D Edition (Part 2)

2011-06-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

Now that you know how Superman's birth went, let me tell you how I think it could have gone differently.

*************

What happened: I was hooked up to fetal monitoring as soon as I was admitted.

Why I didn't like it: This meant that I was stuck by the monitors the whole time. I had been able to walk around before I was admitted, but once I had the monitors on, I couldn't. Walking is supposed to help with dilation and since I wasn't dilating, I feel like I missed out on a helpful strategy.

What I would like to see happen this time: I want intermittent monitoring so that I can move around, walk, whatever feels right.

*************

What happened: I couldn't use the tub. The doctor said that I couldn't use it since my water had already broken and there was an increased chance of infection....which isn't true according to the midwife I met with on Monday. I was allowed to take off the fetal monitoring straps to go into the shower for a little bit though.

Why I didn't like it: I think I may be part fish. I love the water and am so much more relaxed when I am in it. The shower felt good, especially when my husband put the sprayer on the part of my body where the contraction was, but I don't think it was the same as the bath at all.

What I would like to see happen this time: If available, I would like to be in the tub for much of the labor. Thankfully I have been given permission to stay at home (even once my water has broken, as long as it is clear) until my contractions pick up. I plan on using our giant tub during this time. Then once I am at the hospital, I know that the midwives will let me use the tub, as long as it is free.

*************

What happened: I got an epidural too early. I figured there was no reason to be uncomfortable. If I was eventually going to get one, why not do it as soon as the pain got a little bit much.

Why I didn't like it: I was only about 3 cm dilated at the time. The epidural slows things down so I then had to have pitocin to speed things up. I believe (based on information told to me from a lactation consultant) that the pitocin delayed my milk coming in. It is merely a speculation, but my gut says that this is correct.

What I would like to see happen this time: I want help to relieve the pain of contractions without medication. I am pretty sure I still want the epidural, but I want to wait as long as possible to avoid the need for pitocin. We were given a bunch of techniques to help with the pain during our prenatal classes with Superman and I am hoping that some of them help. The midwife will also be there to help make suggestions.

*************

What happened: I started pushing when they told me I was 10 cm. I didn't have the urge to push, but they told me if I wanted to start pushing, I could.

Why I didn't like it: There are a couple parts wrong with this. First, my epidural may have been interfering with my ability to know when to push. Second, I think I wasn't really fully dilated. Many women dilate to greater than 10cm and it is more important to wait till you get the urge to push. Basically I did a whole lot of pushing for no good reason. That would be like me pushing now, 3 weeks before my due date- it doesn't do anything.

What I would like to see happen this time: I want to wait till I get the urge to push. I am hoping to utilize the epidural in such a way that I can still feel the contractions and get the urge to push. I don't know how realistic this is, but I do know that it is possible.

*************

You would think that I might have this very long and detailed birth plan given the fact that I want this birth to go differently than it did with Superman. Interestingly, my birth plan is going to be pretty simple...with even less on it than I had with Superman.

Why you ask? Because last time I had a doctor delivering my baby. This time I have a midwife. I made this change just recently thanks to the recommendation of my ob. She is going to be on vacation around the time when I am likely to deliver so despite the fact that she and I are on the same page (she wasn't the one that delivered S), many of the other doctors in the same office aren't. Fortunately, there is a team of midwives in the same office. They meet each week and coordinate regarding the patients that are close to delivering so that I won't hear one piece of information from one midwife and then hear something different from another. This also means that a whole lot of the things that I want to see happen during labor are standard practice for them already!

After my last appointment with one of the midwives I am actually excited about this labor. I can't wait to see how things turn out this time. While it may not go completely smoothly, I have no doubt that I will have fewer (if any) things that I will look back on and regret.

So do you have any regrets from your labor and delivery of your child(ren)? What do you want to see go differently with your next labor? If things went really well, what (or who) do you credit for this?

Can't wait to hear from you all!

The More You Know...L&D edition

2011-06-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

I already know that this child's birth is going to be different than Superman's birth. It isn't so much that Superman's birth was horrible, but rather that it wasn't ideal. I have learned about labor and delivery since then and I can see how a few changes could have made a lot of difference in how it went.

I think it is helpful for me to share Superman's birth story first so that you can understand why I want to see things go differently this time around...so let's start there.

Superman's Birth Story

My water broke at around 7:30 in the morning January 1st. I wasn't really having contractions yet, but when I called the hospital, they told me I should come in. We took showers, packed the car, and then dropped the dogs off and got some McDonald's before we headed to the hospital arriving about 9am.

When I got there they confirmed that my water had broke (Duh!), but told me that I was only about 2cm dilated. We walked laps around Labor and Delivery while we waited for our room to be ready. By about 10am we were in the room. I wanted to labor in the tub, but the doctor said that I couldn't because of the risk of infection (which is false, but I will go into that later). Since I was also now hooked up to the IV and fetal monitoring, I was stuck in the room. To help with the pain and encourage my cervix to dilate, I used the yoga ball and eventually tried the shower (for the pain). Finally in the early afternoon my contractions started picking up and I decided that since I was planning on an epidural anyway, I might as well get one then before the pain got to be too bad. Unfortunately, it slowed the process down for me and a couple hours later they gave me pitocin to help me progress. About an hour or two later I began to have some really severe pain in the lower left quadrant of my belly. It appeared that I had a "window" in my epidural and we needed the anesthesiologist to fix the epidural. He pulled it out a little bit and the pain went away.

Finally about 8pm they told me I was fully dilated to a 10 and could start pushing if I wanted to. I (not knowing any better) said, "sure!" and I began the long, long effort to get Superman out. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't think I was pushing correctly, but no one told me that so we just plugged along. About an hour and a half to two hours into pushing the "window" came back. It got so bad that I decided that I was done with pushing and gave up. S had made zero progress towards being born at this point and I was told that his head was likely stuck on my pelvic bone.

The anesthesiologist came back and the doctor said that I had two options. Turn up the epidural so I would be prepped for a c-section or try a narcotic. He asked me if I thought I could push more if the pain wasn't there. I told him that I thought so. I can't remember exactly how it went, but basically he gave me 5 contractions to make some progress with Superman or I was going to need a c-section.

I don't know what that narcotic did exactly, but the pain went away, I could finally feel the pressure where I need to push, and S began to make slow, but steady progress. Despite the fact that it took some time (2 more hours), I felt like I could run a marathon. I couldn't get over how great I felt while pushing and excited that the end was near. When he was close to being delivered, the doctor told me that the NICU staff was going to come in for the birth. He was concerned that 4 hours of pushing had tired S out and they wanted to make sure he was okay (what they told me after he was born was that they were actually concerned that I hadn't been making progress because the cord was wrapped around S's neck. I was so relieved that this was NOT the case). He told me that if all was well, Superman would be placed on my chest afterward, but if not they would need to take him. Thank goodness he was fine. At 12:05am, my husband cut the cord and S was placed on my stomach, where he stayed for the next hour and a half.

Superman did have a fever when he was born, but it was low enough that they weren't too worried. When they finally gave him a bath, the fever broke, but at that point the pediatrician on-call was already told about the fever and a series of labs were ordered. For the most part, this was not that horrible, except that they tested his sugar levels and they were low. They were low again that morning so we were told that we needed to give him some formula to help get them back up. Superman seemed to hate that stuff so he didn't drink much. It caused me a lot of stress that morning that they were forcing me to give him formula. However, in the end I was grateful to have some formula, because we ended up needing to use it to "top him off" on days 3 and 4 because my milk was delayed (did this with the help of a lactation consultant so that it did not impact my milk production- I do not recommend doing this without their help).

Now that you know the story, next up is all the lessons I learned and things I will do differently. Stay tuned for that post next!!

Baby #2: Week 36

2011-06-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

June 12, 2011

How far along: 36 weeks -Technically I am still in my 8th month. This seems wrong since I have less than a month till my due date of July 9th.

Baby's size: Honeydew Melon (Month 8: weeks 33-36 -- Average size: 17.2-18.7 in and 4.2-5.8 lb.)

Symptoms (otherwise known as Mommy C's Weekly Complaints):

A LOT of low pressure
Sore hips - I spend a lot of time squatting and stretching them out
Cramping and Braxton hicks (no back pain!!)

Total Weight Gain:
Total weight gain= +9 pounds

Maternity clothes:yes ---starting to look at some good summer nursing tops. If you have a suggestion, I will gladly take it! (I would like to avoid having to layer with a tank underneath.)

Best moment this week: Finding out that we were going to get to see the little guy one more time before he really arrives.

Movement: Yes, although he is slowing down a little bit. He moves throughout the day, but always the crazy movements I was getting. I am guessing he is running out of room!

Food cravings: Watermelon!

Gender: BOY!!! (We are hoping the ultrasound on Monday will show that this is still the case!)

Labor signs: Same as last week- lots of low pressure and some braxton hicks. There are times when the low pressure is so bad that I have to stop because it feels like the baby is going to fall out. I know that won't happen, but it catches me off guard. I was reading the Baby Center week by week update for this week and it said that some women describe it as having a bowling ball between their legs. Yeah, that sounds about right.

What I miss: Being comfortable. I had my first "I'm done" days this week. If you have been pregnant or lived with someone who was pregnant, you know about this. These are the days where there are a lot of tears, a lot of complaining, and a lot of wishing for this baby to be OUT.

What I'm looking forward to: The ultrasound Monday!

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): That I am going to switch to a midwife (still delivering in a hospital)! I will get the benefit of having a midwife's wisdom, guidance, and support throughout labor and delivery and if (God forbid) something go wrong, there is always a doctor on-call.

Milestones: Less than one calendar month away from the due date!

Emotions: A bit more weepy this week....mostly over things that are sappy or when thinking about my stepmom who passed just before I got pregnant.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: Wednesday and Friday (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: none (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: 2 hour 30 minutes--I met my goal! Now to get back to water aerobics at least once this week. We shall see if that happens or not. It is at night so most nights I am too tired to go.

Till next week!

Outdoor Adventures: Your Local Park

2011-06-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

Another day, another outdoor adventure! Today we are talking about your local parks and what they have to offer you and your toddler.

1. The Typical Playground Park
Whether it is our local park across the street or one of the bazillion you can find around your city, the park is a ton of fun on a sunny day. In the Portland Metro area there are so many different parks that I think it is helpful to break them down into three main groups.

These parks offer play structures for kids to climb on, slides to slide down, and sometimes swings. Superman particularly likes parks that have wider steps that he can climb (stairs vs. a ladder), slides, and a toddler swing. He is also a fan of the ones that have wheels to spin.

Pros: Usually contains your child to a somewhat confined space; other kids to play with; FREE; and a variety of activities to keep them occupied for longer amounts of time.
Cons: You can't sit back and just watch them play, in fact it may require you to be on the play structure with them to prevent falls; big kids that don't pay attention to younger kids; full exposure to the sun; sometimes your favorite playground also has a fountain and it can be really difficult to keep them from the water.

Our Favorite(s): Magnolia Park in Hillsboro and the playground at H.M Terpenning Rec Complex (this one has a sun shade over it!) in Beaverton.

2. The Park With A Water Feature
These parks may have a playground, but they also have some sort of water feature to play in as well. In the Portland Metro area there are more than just a few to choose from. Some have water fountains that the kids can play in and others have little wading pools and they all are a ton of fun. Be sure to bring your towels!

Pros: Easy way to cool down on a hot day; FREE; toddlers can play fairly independently (at the water fountains, not the wading pools); doesn't require you to wear your bathing suit in front of a bunch of strangers
Cons: You will likely get wet too; not an activity you can do on the fly (unless you keep a change of clothes and towels in the car); fully exposed to the sun

Our Favorites: Jamison Square (fountain and wading pool) and Waterfront Park (at Saturday Market location) in downtown Portland
**I have heard that 53rd Avenue Park in Hillsboro is fantastic, but I haven't visited it yet. Magnolia Park (mentioned above) also has a fountain that looks like it will be a lot of fun as well!

3. A Park For Walking or Hiking
Living in the Portland Metro area many of our local parks are quite large with fabulous trails to go walking or hiking on. When S was too little for the backpack carrier I thought our hiking days were still far off and then I discovered many parks have paths that our jogging stroller would work fine on. Now a days we still bring the backpack carrier or the jogging stroller, but S has a grand time exploring on his own as well.

Pros: You can get out and exercise; you don't need to wait till your child is old enough to complete the whole hike on their own, just bring a stroller or backpack carrier; you can teach your child about different plants or the joy of observing things around them; FREE; and thanks to the trees along most trails, you are out of the bright sun

Cons: You would need some sort of carrier or stroller if your child is not completely independent; many of the trails aren't paved so you can use a jogging stroller, but a regular stroller might be a rough ride (and hard to push); the possibility of your child touching poison oak/ivy is increased in the "wild"; I hate to say it, but there is also a possible safety risk. Personally I do not take S on trails by myself when they are too secluded. I wish I trusted the world more, but we reserve these parks for enjoying with my husband or other moms and their kids.

Our Favorites: Noble Woods Park I like how secluded I feel when we are walking there even though we are just minutes from our home. This is a park that I never go to alone.
Cooper Mountain Nature Park - This is the first place we went for a "real hike" after Superman was born. Our BOB stroller did really well on the pebble path and there are some great views along the way.
Rood Bridge Park- This is a park that I will go to with just Superman and I. The trails are really open to everything and there are typically enough people there that you are never really alone. Superman likes the little stream there. There is also a play structure at this park, but we have never played on it.

Alright ladies and gentleman , now that the weather is finally getting nicer, I encourage you to check out a new park with your little (or not so little) one. Maybe even set a goal to try one new park each week! Pack the cars full of snacks, water, sunscreen, and towels and you will be ready for anything! Then come back and tell me about your adventures! I would love to hear about your favorite parks!

Baby #2: Week 35

2011-06-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

June 4, 2011 ...well technically it is June 6th

How far along: 35 weeks

Baby's size: Honeydew Melon (Month 8: weeks 33-36 -- Average size: 17.2-18.7 in and 4.2-5.8 lb.)

Symptoms (otherwise known as Mommy C's Weekly Complaints):

Heartburn
Lower back pain (from a lot of walking on the beach though)
Low pressure- I remember this from last time. I remember telling my doctor about it and being so worried that it meant that I was starting to dilate and that the baby was going to come early. She had gently chuckled at me and reassured me that it was normal. Amazing how calm I am about it all now.
Cramping and back pain with Braxton hicks

Total Weight Gain:
Just went to the doctor's this morning and I am still at 9 pounds! Because the doctor is cautious, I am getting an ultrasound next week to make sure that the baby is growing appropriately. Since my fundal height is fine she wasn't worried, but wanted to be sure (she has never had a woman that had good fundal height and low weight gain have a baby not be growing okay).
Total weight gain= +9 pounds

Maternity clothes: Growing out of maternity clothes...what is next? Moo moos.

Best moment this week: Superman has begun to point to my belly and say baby. I don't think he really gets it, but it is cute none-the-less.

Movement: Yes! It is crazy to watch him move around my belly. Seems like he is running out of space in there.

Food cravings: nothing really

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs: more Braxton Hicks this week...with cramps and back pain (as mentioned above). I am also having the low pressure (as mentioned above) and although it isn't true labor signs, it is a sign that things are beginning to "get ready".

What I miss: Being able to comfortably read stories with Superman in my lap. He has a hard time getting comfortable and settling down now.

What I'm looking forward to: The ultrasound next Monday!

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): Everything will be okay. I freaked out a little last week because I realized we were getting really close. Thanks to a bit of perspective and advice from my sister, I am feeling a lot better about things.

Milestones: Started going weekly to my ob appointments! We also talked about birth plans today at my appointment which lead my ob to suggesting that I might want to switch to a midwife. You see, my ob will most likely be on vacation and although I trust all the other doctor's in the office, some have different opinions on laboring options. I would really like to labor in the tub, but many don't allow it if your water has already broken (which is what happened last time). So I have posed the question to my friends on my personal Facebook page and you can expect a post about it soon.

Emotions: Still a little anxious that we are getting so close to the due date, but overall I am much better than last week.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: Wednesday (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: none (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: 1 hour 15 minutes (I have a goal to get to 2 boot camp classes and one swim class this week)

Till next week!

How Can It Be June?

2011-06-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today is June 1st. You knew that already though, didn't you? Today is also the day that I began to really lose my mind.

In one month Superman will be 18 months old....and in one month our lives will forever change. Our due date is July 9th and since Superman came a week early, I have had in my head that I need to be ready to go July 1st in case this baby decides to come early as well.

All along I have been thinking I had tons of time. In April, July seemed SO.FAR.AWAY. In May, I felt like I better get preparing, but there was no rush. But June? June is the last month I have!

People have tried to comfort me with the idea that I have done this before and that the second baby can be much easier. All that is great, except for the fact that I am not actually worried about the new baby. I am worried about being prepared for Superman. I want to know that I have done everything possible to make this transition easier on him.

A lot of this anxiousness comes from the fact that, as of right now, there are at least 3 or 4 possible options for who will be taking care of S while I am in labor/delivery.

My mom arrives on June 28th, but I would like to have her at the hospital if possible.
We have a baby sitter that lives down the street that might be able to take care of him depending on her schedule when I actually go into labor.
My husband's aunt has said that she would help if we needed her to and lately I have been thinking that I need to contact her and make that a more solid plan (mentally adding this conversation to my to-do list). But none of these people are in Superman's daily life so I need to have as much information about his daily life written down so that they can help make this time a little less chaotic for him.
If it is during the day AND there is availability, Superman might be able to go to his new daycare for some of the time.

I have a packet started that includes all the typical babysitter information (contacts, nearest hospital, etc), plus it has his basic daily schedule and foods that he should (but might not if he is in a mood) eat for the various meals. I also am including the words he knows (and what they sound like) and the signs he will use. Oh and I am including how I do various things throughout the day with him (ex. bedtime routine) so that they can try and incorporate it into how they do things. I am not so naive that I think that things will happen exactly how I have been doing them, but want to give people the best chance to keep him happy.

I also need to have things in place around the house (both for when I am at the hospital and for when I return).

I need to make sure my house is stocked with food that Superman will eat...or have cash on hand to give to the person watching him to go buy the food.
I need to make sure that his room is organized so that people kind find the things they might need.
I need to have clean sheets ready to go in case they need to spend the night (don't even get me started on the chaos that would be created if I am in labor at night, my mom is in town, but someone else needs to sleep on the bed she is using because they are staying with Superman).

Other things that I am trying to have done before Baby #2's arrival?

I would like Superman to go up and down the stairs voluntarily...without needing to be carried. He can do it, it just a matter of whether he wants to and how long he will take to do it. He is getting better daily.
I want S to be comfortable with his new daycare. I need to write a post about this too, but basically I found a daycare for him one day a week. It will allow me to go to doctor's appointments this month without him and then allow me to go to the new mom's group once the baby is here. I am also hoping that this daycare (because of it's drop-in childcare availability) might be an option during labor if needed.
I want S to be used to going to bed without a huge routine at nap time. This is for so many reasons, but the two main ones are because of the day care and because once the baby is here, I am not sure how easy it will be for me to do the whole routine and take care of the baby.
I want to have meals in the freezer for both the people watching Superman and for when we get back from the hospital.
I need to pack my hospital bag.
Finish my birth plan. I went through the birth plan I had with Superman and deleted a bunch of stuff that wasn't excessive. I need to go through it with my doctor at some point and will likely trim it back even more.
Both of our dogs need to get their shots and physicals so that the border will take them. This is scheduled, but I will feel better when it is done.
Next week I want to put out the various "baby equipment" that we are going to use and get S comfortable with it being here. He loves his baby doll so we will have him help us with his baby using all of the items. He already likes to put his baby in the baby swing! I am hoping this will help with the transition.
I would like to finish decorating the new baby's room. Certainly it will be okay if this doesn't get done, I just am not sure it will ever get done if I don't do it now.
I would like to get at least one massage and one pedicure. I am hoping this will get done while S is at daycare that one day a week this month.

I know I am forgetting items, but I am too tired and too stressed to keep thinking about it. I need to find my inner zen state and just relax a little...but how I am supposed to do that is beyond me. Any tips?

Baby #2: Week 34

2011-05-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

May 29, 2011

How far along: 34 weeks

Baby's size: Honeydew Melon (Month 8: weeks 33-36 -- Average size: 17.2-18.7 in and 4.2-5.8 lb.)

Symptoms (otherwise known as Mommy C's Weekly Complaints):

Somehow I ended up with Braxton Hicks that include back pain. I know they are BH because they go away when I lie down. I am hoping that this doesn't mean that I will have back labor.
Still happening: peeing all the time, leg cramps, being more tired, and having a hard time bending over.

Total Weight Gain:
Looks like I have fully recovered from all the "ick" and my weight bounced back up. Not bad though for 34 weeks!
Total weight gain= +9 pounds

Maternity clothes: Bought a couple new shirts that aren't really my style, but at least they cover my belly. Of course, they were summer shirts and then it got cold again here.

Best moment this week: Having my mom here and watching her play with Superman.

Movement: Lots of movements and they make me kind of nauseous when I am walking and he decides to change his position.

Food cravings: Water

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs: more Braxton Hicks this week...with back pain (as mentioned above). I didn't feel these contractions with Superman so it is weird that they are so noticeable to me. With Superman I had a lot of cramping during the last 6-8 weeks and so far I have only had that once. I am fascinated that these symptoms are so different.

What I miss: My mom! She left yesterday. Thank goodness she will be back in just a month to help.

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling prepared for the new baby. I have a few projects that I would like to see get done so that I can relax a little bit.

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): My mom had told me this before, but mentioned it again while she was here this time. It is amazing how much more information parents today have compared to our parents. She says that women just didn't talk with each other about their experiences. I am grateful to live in time where I get to share my story and here about other women's stories.

Milestones: Ruled out a planned c-section! I had some injuries due to delivering Superman that ended up healing on their own. Had they not done so, it would have been the recommendation of the 2 doctors I was consulting that I have a c-section. However, they both believe that I am not at a greater risk for it happening again so I get to do a vaginal birth.

Emotions: Doing well.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: Wednesday (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: none (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: 1 hour 15 minutes (hoping to get back into things this week)

Till next week!

Outdoor Adventures: The Zoo

2011-05-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

Check out the Oregon Zoo here.

Continuing our outdoor adventures today and we are headed to the zoo!

I didn't have a zoo close to my home when I was growing up. This means that I only visited a zoo maybe 5-7 times as a kid. I had no idea what I was missing.

First off, if you live close to a zoo, I highly recommend getting a membership. I also recommend getting the type that allows you to bring in one free guest because then you can always invite a friend along and they aren't having to fork over money to join you. Even if you don't choose that level of membership, being a member allows you the freedom to spend as little or as much time as you want there and many times includes a lot of other perks (ex. free parking and free/discounted admission to other events). I love being able to spend an hour or two at the zoo and then leave without feeling like I have wasted my money.

So you may be thinking to yourself, "Don't you just look at the animals when you go to the zoo?" and you would be partially right. At 16 months Superman has favorite animals to go watch. He loves the fish, polar bears, birds, and otters.    He is not a fan of the animals that are farther away from him or that just stand there when we look at them.

But there is more to the zoo than this. Our zoo has a petting area that is definitely Superman's favorite part right now. He loves talking with the goats, saying "baa" to the cows (haven't gotten him to moo yet), and toddle around from one animal to another.   Sure you have to take the time to clean up after you are done with this area, but given the amount of entertainment it brings both my son and I, I say that it is totally worth it.

Another great activity at the zoo is a picnic! I had no idea that most zoos allow you to bring in your own food and if your zoo is like ours, there are plenty of spots to sit down and enjoy it. Our particular zoo has an amphitheater that is perfect for laying out a blanket and enjoying a snack or lunch.

**Beware of the school groups at the end of the school year. It can get really nutty! I spoke to one of the employees at our zoo and they recommend coming before 10am or after 2pm to avoid them.**

Activities for the zoo:

Looking at the animals
Petting animals
Having a picnic (many zoos allow you to bring in outside food)
Practicing animal sounds
Summer Camps (for older kids)

Baby #2: Week 33

2011-05-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

May 16, 2011

How far along: 33 weeks

Baby's size: Honeydew Melon (Month 8: weeks 33-36 -- Average size: 17.2-18.7 in and 4.2-5.8 lb.) or Pineapple (for week 33)

Symptoms (otherwise known as Mommy C's complaints):

I have started to get leg cramps. Nothing like I had with Superman yet, but enough to make me cautious when my legs start to ache.
I am peeing ALL.THE.TIME. A trip to the store includes 2 stops at the restroom, not including having to go before I leave the house and immediately when I get home.
Bending over is even more uncomfortable this week. I haven't been able to do it very easily for some time, but I had forgotten how painful it can be.
I am get tired much more quickly and have less energy to start each day with.

Total Weight Gain:
Total weight gain= +5 pounds

Maternity clothes: Do they have "end of pregnancy" maternity clothes that fit bigger bellies? I swear half of my shirts don't cover my entire belly anymore.

Best moment this week: His movements have gotten so much bigger and watching it is crazy. My stomach gets all deformed when he is stretching out. We didn't experience this with Superman because of the anterior placenta so I love that we have a special experience just with him.

Movement: see above

Food cravings: Milk, milk, and more milk.

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs: nope

What I miss: I think I said this last week, but being able to bend over without pain is something I had forgotten to appreciate.

What I'm looking forward to: My mom will be here on Tuesday!!!!!!!!! I haven't seen her in about a year (not counting skype). I am looking forward to spending some time with her now before the baby gets here (she will be back around the time of my due date).

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): I visited a friend today that had a baby a couple weeks ago. I had seriously forgotten how tiny a newborn can be. I look forward to holding our little tiny baby when he is ready.

Milestones: No milestones this week.

Emotions: Doing well.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: Wednesday (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: none (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: 1 hour 15 minutes (hoping to get back into things this week)

Till next week!

Outdoor Adventures: Your Yard

2011-05-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Now that Spring has decided to finally reach the Northwest, Superman and I are spending more and more time outside. Superman loves being outside so much that I usually end up carrying him kicking and screaming when it is time to come back inside. In order to not get bored, I have tried to create a collection of different outdoor adventures and I thought it would be a great idea to share them with all of you! So here is part one of the Outdoor Adventures series. Today we are starting with the activities that you can do without leaving your own property!

Outdoor Adventures...In Your Yard

It doesn't take much. Find some chalk, a few balls, a bucket or two, and a shovel and you have a happy toddler. We spend our time in the front yard right now. Superman can draw with chalk on the driveway, dig in the plant beds, and kick the ball around in the street (we live at the end of a dead end, but I am ALWAYS in the street with him just in case). We were just given this basketball hoop as well.

We are in the process of making our backyard a bit more kid friendly (right now it dominated by our dogs). My hope is to have half the yard reserved for just the human family members (thanks to a fence). We will put most of the toys I mentioned above back there along with this water table, this picnic table, and this baby pool that are currently taking up space in my garage.

Activities for your yard:

Drawing with chalk
Bubbles
Digging
Planting flowers or tending to a garden...yes, your toddler can help!
Sports (basketball, soccer, etc.)
Water table
Sandbox
Eating snack/meals on a picnic table
Swimming in a baby pool
More options for a bit more money:

Play in an outdoor playhouse
Play on an outdoor climber

Did I miss anything? What are the favorite activities for you and your toddler when you are outside playing?

Baby #2: Week 32

2011-05-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

May 16, 2011

How far along: 32 weeks

Baby's size: Squash (Month 7 - week 29-32)

Symptoms: Huge belly that seems to get bigger every day, I am peeing so frequently that I should just camp out in there, and I am hungry all the time....except for when I am not, but then I feel over stuffed. Of course this just comes with the territory as I approach the last portion of my pregnancy so I am getting used to it.

Total Weight Gain:
So I lost some weight when I was sick. When I went to the doctor's office on Monday I was down 3 pounds. I am guessing that since I was sick that weight will come back quickly. It will be interesting to see where I end up at my next appointment (May 23rd).
Total weight gain= +5 pounds

Maternity clothes: Yes

Best moment this week:Not pregnancy related, but it has been nice having my husband's family with us.

Movement: Absolutely!

Food cravings: OJ and water

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs: nope

What I miss: Being able to stand up (after sitting or laying down) and not have to immediately pee. I also miss being able to bend over without discomfort.

What I'm looking forward to: Seeing my actual ob at the next appointment. Because I try and have my appointment at the same time each time on Mondays, the last two appointments were with the midwife and nurse practitioner. While it normally isn't a big deal, I have some questions that only my ob can answer for me regarding delivery.

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): Not a wise woman this week.

Milestones: No milestones this week.

Emotions: We had my husband's grandmother's memorial service yesterday. I have found myself missing those who will never know this baby.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: Friday (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: none (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: 1 hour 15 minutes (With family here, my priority is spending time with them. I hope to get back to a routine beginning Wednesday).

Till next week!

Baby #2: Week 31

2011-05-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

May 8, 2011

How far along: 31 weeks

Baby's size: Squash (Month 7 - week 29-32)

Symptoms: I have a baby in my ribs. He likes to move from this position to one where his bottom is stuck up in the air (picture a sleeping baby with his butt in the air and that is pretty much what it feels like) pushing my skin to stretch farther than it probably should. Other than that, I have to pee a lot and I have begun to waddle.

Total Weight Gain:
Total weight gain= +8 pounds

Maternity clothes: Yes

Best moment this week: Not pregnancy related- we went to dinner at Wildwood in NW Portland. It was an amazing dinner!!

Movement: Absolutely!

Food cravings: nothing really- I have been drinking a lot of tea and hot cider to help with my cough though.

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs: nope

What I miss: Breathing without the use of an inhaler every 4 hours.

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling better.

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): Go to the doctor when you are sick. There are meds that can help sometimes and it is worth asking the doctor for help.

Milestones: No milestones this week.

Emotions: Doing pretty well.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: Wednesday and Friday (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: none (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: 2 hours 30 minutes...progress!

Till next week!

Baby #2: Week 30

2011-05-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

April 30, 2011
Okay, so really it is May 5th, but I have been sick and blogging really hasn't been a priority. I swear it should be impossible for pregnant women to get sick. First I got a stomach flu and then I got the cold that both my son and husband had (and I thought had magically skipped me, but instead it just decided to get me while I was down). I am now stuck with a cough that seems to get magically (and horribly) worse in the evening which means that I am lucky to get 5-6 hours of sleep a night (not straight, total). I have taken Benedryl, Sudafed, and Robitusin and it doesn't help. I have drank hot tea, sat over a humidifier, taken a hot shower, and used my neti pot and none of it seems to even make it slightly better 5 minutes later. I finally decided to head to the doctor this morning and so glad that I did. I have bronchitis with RAD (which basically has asthma like symptoms). So I have new meds to try and my fingers are crossed. I need some sleep! Okay, done with my rant....onto the regular post.

How far along: 30 weeks

Baby's size: Squash (Month 7 - week 29-32)

Symptoms: Well...this week sucked. See above. So I have no idea what symptoms I had this week.

Total Weight Gain: At one point this week I stepped on the scale and I had lost 7 pounds. I have gained most of that back since then, but that might give you a better clue on my week.

Total weight gain= +8 pounds

Maternity clothes: Yes

Best moment this week: There was no best moment this week...I just wanted it over. I did have a birthday, but didn't celebrate it till this week.

Movement: Absolutely!

Food cravings: nothing

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs: nope

What I miss: Being able to take meds that help me feel better.

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling better.

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): Don't get sick when you are pregnant.

Milestones: 10 weeks to go

Emotions: Doing pretty well.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: None! (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: none (1 hour each)
Total exercise time: none....yeah

Till next week!

A difficult decision (part 1)

2011-04-28T19:40:00.001-07:00

In late May of last year I went into surgery to have a birthing injury (otherwise known as a rectovaginal fistula) repaired. I didn't really talk about it on the blog at the time...I was a little embarrassed frankly. But now I need your help so I am going to talk about. Who knows, maybe one of you have been dealing with this and (like myself) are feeling pretty alone and I can help.

The rectovaginal fistula (RVF) that I had was not bad. In fact, it was pretty darn small (only air could pass through). When I met with the colon rectal doctor she mentioned that a very, very small number of people have the RVF heal on their own. She told me not to get my hopes up.

The surgery is day surgery, but because of the area that is being worked on, the success rate isn't that great.

She also told me that because I have had this one fistula, the likelihood of me having another one as a result of a vaginal birth is greater and it will likely be worse. Therefore I should have a c-section with any other pregnancies.

When I went through all the stuff with the colon rectal doctor she mentioned that I should have a c-section the next time around to avoid having this happen again, only worse. When she went in to correct it, it had healed on its own so she had loosened up on the stance and it became more of a recommendation vs. a statement of fact. I completely forgot all about this until Brian mentioned it the other day.

So now I am trying to figure out what to do. Since the main reason they think I got the fistula was because Sam's head was big and got stuck on my pelvic bone, thus required a lot more pushing than might have been needed. Some of my girlfriends suggested getting an ultrasound to measure Tyler's head and compare it to Sam's ultrasound measurements. Then if he looks like he is going to have a big head too, then opt for the c-section.

The big thing that

Baby #2: Week 29

2011-04-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

April 23, 2011

How far along: 29 weeks

Baby's size: Squash (Month 7 - week 29-32) or the size of a butternut squash for week 29 (about 2 1/2 pounds)

Symptoms: Heartburn is back this week. I also had a bunch of contractions on Wednesday that ended in me going to L&D because they wouldn't go away (of course, they went away as soon as I got to the hospital). My back is doing okay considering I haven't been to the chiropractor in over a week. I am hoping to make it to Thursday when my chiropractor comes back from vacation.

Total Weight Gain:
Total weight gain= +8 pounds

Maternity clothes: Yes

Best moment this week: Not pregnancy related, but visiting my sister and her family was the highlight of my week. I loved watching Superman play with his cousins! He learned so much from them and came home with new skills, new signs, and new words!

Movement: Absolutely!

Food cravings: Still liking fresh fruit...and juice.

Gender: BOY!!!

Labor signs: no real signs...just the Braxton Hicks that wouldn't go away. THANK GOODNESS! This baby needs to stay put for at least 10 more weeks.

What I miss: Although I still can cuddle with my son, the baby bump is getting in the way sometimes. It is tough to read stories together because I know he isn't as comfortable as he could be.

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling better. Superman has a doozy of a cold and I am just feeling achy. I will happy when we are all better again.

Weekly Wisdom (aka what I learned this week): Not pregnancy related...the iPad is the greatest invention for traveling with a toddler. Since he doesn't watch a lot of tv, he was cool just watching the Sesame Street podcasts without sound on the plane. I even put on Up! for a little bit and he was such a happy camper watching the dogs and balloons. The people around us were happy too.

Milestones: Hitting the third trimester!

Emotions: Doing pretty well.

Exercise:
Boot Camp: None! (1 hour 15 minutes each each day)
Pregnancy Water Aerobics: Thursday (1 hour each)
Stretching: not really consistent with this any more....which is a good thing since that means my back is doing okay.
Total exercise time: 1 hours (NOT GOOD!!! This coming week will be better!)

Till next week!

Successfully eating out in PDX with your toddler…

2011-04-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

So I have to thank my new friend, Evelyn, over at Momsicle, for this post. If you haven't been to her site before, I highly recommend checking her out. She is a writer, editor, and education consultant who spent several years teaching in our countries neediest kids. She recently moved to Oregon from NY with her husband and son. Oh and she has another little one on the way. We have so much in common, it is really no wonder that she and I hit it off at Baby Boot Camp. When I found out she wrote a blog too one of the first posts I read was this one about toddler friendly restaurants here in Portland. Although I hadn't checked out some of the restaurants on the list, I mentioned to her that there were many more restaurants out there that were not only kid friendly, but parent friendly too. She was intrigued and asked me to guest post.

So I did my usual brain dump when writing the post and what resulted was a super lengthy post, not only about restaurants that I recommend trying, but some of the tips that I have for picking restaurants.

We agreed maybe I had gone a little overboard and we should divide the post. So below you will find my tips (and a few restaurants). Then I want you to head over to her site and check out the restaurants that aren’t just kid friendly, but our parent friendly too.

Think I missed an important tip or a kid friendly restaurant? Be sure to leave a comment letting me know!

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A little bit of background…

When my husband and I moved to Oregon in 2008, we pretty much spent the first year eating our way through Portland. We went out to eat at least once a week…usually to a restaurant in downtown Portland and never to a big chain restaurant. When it was time for us to have kids, my gift to my husband for Christmas was 9 gift certificates to 9 of the best restaurants in the city so that we could enjoy them during the 9 months of pregnancy.

In the beginning…

During the first few months with Superman, we were determined to try and continue to eat out as often as we could. We believed (and continue to believe) that the more we were out and about with him, the better foundation we were setting for how to behave as he got older. Looking back, we probably weren’t really setting a foundation for him as much in the beginning, as we were preparing ourselves for what was to come (I could do a whole post on packing for dinners out depending on the age of your child).

Success is all in the choices that you make…

So after 15 months of having Superman around, we probably average 3-4 lunches and 2-4 dinners out a month. There have been bumps in the road (Ex. There was a very short evening at Syun in Hillsboro when S was about 4 months old. It was the night we realized that he would no longer just sleep through meals anymore. A very sad day for my husband and I.), but I believe that most of them have been successes. The reason? We choose our restaurants carefully. No, we are not eating at fast food joints for every meal; in fact even our lunches aren’t at your typical fast food joints. What are we looking for? Just a few things….

Requirements: (now that Superman is eating regular food)

Food that we can easily give him. This does not mean mac n’ cheese at every meal, although we have gone that route on more than one occasion. Whether it is a kid’s menu item or just some of our dish, we are looking for food that is mostly healthy and something that he will eat. (Choices that almost always work: Mexican and Italian)
Noisy (Or Good Ambient Noise). Toddlers aren’t the quietest and although Superman isn’t a screamer or consistent tantrum thrower, he still doesn’t understand the idea of an indoor voice. We figure it is a lot easier for us to relax when we aren’t feeling like he is too loud.
Kids Menu. The reason we want a kids menu isn’t because we will order off of it. If they have a kids menu, then they expect to have kids come and eat there. If they expect it, so should the other dinner guests. If they don’t have a kids menu, I call ahead and ask if they are toddler friendly (Unless you have an older kid, I think specifying the age of your child is important. Some restaurants are kid friendly, but not really toddler friendly). If they don’t respond in a “of course, we love kids here!” kind of way, we will likely skip that restaurant just to be sure.
Changing Table in the Bathroom. This is one thing that I don’t check out ahead of time, but if I discover that they don’t have a changing table at our first visit, we aren’t likely to go back there. The one exception is our favorite lunch time spot- Chipotle (yes, we do some chains for lunch).
Adult friendly. We aren’t looking for a super duper family friendly restaurant with only okay food. We want the good food that Portland has come to be known for and it better have good beer or an awesome wine list. This is why you need to jaunt over to Momsicle’s site today and see more of my recommended locations.

Where to go…Go check out my "toddler friendly brew pubs" recommendations over at Momsicle!!

Some other favorites include:

· Mother’s Bistro:

o My husband has thing for good breakfast places and Mother’s is said to be one of the best. I am pretty sure they have a kid’s menu, but it isn’t on the website. We were there is past summer with family when Superman was about 7 months old. My two nephews (4 and 8) loved it and Superman enjoyed tasting off other people’s plates. The wait staff went out of their way to make the kids happy. The only thing not kid friendly about this place is the wait. Sometimes it can take a good long while to be seated so come prepared.

· Mama Mia Trattoria

o Owned by the same people who own Mother’s, it is a great Italian restaurant with probably the best kid’s menu around. Sure they have the typical chicken fingers, but they also have options like Pasta Filettor Di Pomodoro, Ravioli, and Meatball and Linguine. We haven’t been since Superman was born, but we were there with my sister and her family. I can’t wait to take S.

· Gustavs:

o Let me start by saying that kids under 3 eat for free (a choice of penne and cheese or mashed potatoes, turkey gravy and apple sauce- we chose the second option and S likes it a lot!) Add that to the fact that they have yummy fondue, an assortment of other German food done really well, and enormous beers (you are beginning to worry about me, aren’t you?); you have a fabulous option for you and your kiddos.

· Slappy Cakes:

o Do it yourself pancake place? Yes please. This place takes the simple act of making pancakes and turns it into an adventure. You get to choose what type of batter, your fixins (sweet and savory), and your toppings, then make your pancakes right there at your table. Ms. Momsicle herself and I actually went here together and since our kids are younger, I think we had more fun than they did (we learned that I am a horrible pancake maker). However, the place is certainly kid friendly and our munchkins loved the food we made for them. (There is a full made-for-you menu as well.)