Sunday, March 07, 2010

Lost at two months...

I was a very fortunate girl about 2.5 years ago. I got to spend a week with my sister just after her first child was born. Prior to then I had never really been around really young babies. Sure I had babysat, but those kids were typically around a year or older. Well after a week I felt like a pro...I was ready for anything. I knew the 5 Ss, I could swaddle with the best of them, sway a baby on it's side like nobody's business, and...well you get the idea-I was cocky. Not a little bit cocky...a lot cocky and it didn't get any better when my son was born. I thrived on this those first few days when a nurse or doctor would see me handle my son and act surprised that this was my first child. I know, I know...I promise you I am not really this cocky usually. Please keep reading because I may have felt confident then, but this post is more about where I am now.

Now...I am lost. I have absolutely no idea what to do with a two month old and my self esteem is diminishing by the second. How do I engage him? How long should I be trying to engage him? How much time is too much time on his back? Should he be sleeping more? less? Why doesn't he smile more? Is he not happy? Am I boring him? Does he like my husband more? Yup, I am losing it.

So I was telling my husband at dinner that I was feeling really anxious as a mom lately. He was understanding, but I know he had to be thinking, "welcome to the world of new parents, so glad you could join us." So when I told him that I was worried that Baby S wasn't happy because he didn't smile very much, I am pretty sure my husband held back a laugh. Instead, he reminded me that most people don't smile all the time and he was pretty sure it was the same for babies. Why didn't I think about it that way? Probably because I am so consumed over analyzing everything that I don't just enjoy what is in front of me.

And that folks, is the reason for this blog.

3 comments:

mwilkison said...

My beautiful Cindy - I completely understand how you feel... you need to take it a day at a time.. and probably the reason when he smiles he is tooting! Anywho..It is hard being a new mom.. what do you do.. read to him every day...
sing to him.. or have your fabulous cousin make a cd you can play for him - give him tummy time.. snuggle him.. love him , kiss him.. enjoy this time with him.. it goes by fast.. and you are doing fine... but I am always here.

Sue Herzog said...

Cindy, I am right there with you. My fiance thinks I am insane over developmental milestones. She should be smiling, she needs more tummy time, she is not grabbing objects yet...aah! I can make myself crazy. Lately I have realized that she is happier when I leave her alone for a bit and let her play on her own. I think it takes the pressure off her to perform for me. I also started realizing that in order to get anything done I have to put her down, which made me feel super guilty at first. I think it is all a learning process that we won't always succeed with and that's okay. We'll get there. I am sure you are doing a fantastic job and he is so lucky to have a parent that loves him so much that she worries over his well being.

KniftyKnittingMommy said...

Ha, ha - you're nuts! You're totally the first mother to go through being nuts at 2 months, so you'll probably be written up in a number of psychology textbooks and studied extensively. That'll be FUN!!! And, oh, BTW, that whole post about breastfeeding in public? Oh, man - people are trying to walk around and live their lives, not see your boobs. Go into a bathroom stall and feed your baby while sitting on the toilet like the rest of us eat. :)

I have no idea why it says that I'm "Knifty Knitting Mommy." I don't remember calling myself that at all, but it's Jessica if you couldn't figure it out! Love you!

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